Say The Word

Chapter 13- PAY. ATTENTION!!!

  The sun hung high in the middle of the sky, contributing to squeezing out sweat from me.

"We can still hang out, geep, I swear nothing between us will change," Cebario said, his face inches away from mine; I could feel his every breath.

Steadying myself, I gulped, "C-can I call you Ceb then?"

He let out a small laugh, "Isn't that what you've been calling me since forever? Obviously yes, if you haven't done that already."

"Then, uh, can we kiss?" I was pushing the limits and I knew it. His eyebrows rose in shock. Soft lips on mine was my answer ─ yes.

"Anything else?" he breathed.

Something in me nudged my curiosity once more. "What did Zander mean when he said 'they'? Who are 'they'?"

Ceb turned away. Oh, lord, Vastel, you just had to go and ask something dumb, didn't you?

" 'M just not sure what I am yet," he mumbled into the other direction.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just...It's just that I'm unsure of my gender identity. Am I a dude? Who the fuck knows, Vastel. Certainly don't feel like one, but I don't know what the hell I am." His voice was shaky, as he started to rock his body back and forth.

I wrapped my hands around him, making our bodies come in contact as much as possible, giving him a little squeeze, just like how he had comforted me yesterday. "It's alright, I'm sure we will figure it out."

"How do you know that? You can't promise shit, can you?"

"No, but I know you will because you're smart and calm enough for this. You will find out because you are you, even if you need a little time to find out who you are."

The tension in his body seemed to have just been flushed out from his body, he sunk back into me, as if he was assured and satisfied with my mindless words.

He took a deep breath, signalling me that he was ready to speak again. "I don't fucking know why you like me, or why you want to go out with me. As a person who is a mess and also mentally unstable, I strongly advice you not to take this route. You don't even know me that well; it's not too late to not get attached now,"

My heart twisted in all kinds of ways. "Ceb, we have already come this far, you know I can't give up now. I'll give us a try, even if it means taking things slow. We could just get to know each other first. I feel like I already know you from all this time we've spent together."

He looked over his shoulders, and made direct eye contact with me. "Fine, what have you learnt about me from the past few weeks? What I do in my free time? How many siblings I have? You don't even know what my fucking jobs are, or why I do it, Vastel."

"Then tell me, Ceb, I want to know, tell me everything," I pleaded.

He flinched, clearly being shocked by the unexpected answer, "Damn it, geep, you and your smart mouth. Fine, I'll tell you and shit like that. First off, I think you could address me as a 'they', I think that fits for now. Also, I'm assuming it's a deal between us that whenever I talk about myself, you'd say something about yourself too."

It was fair, if I were honest. I do not think I would have been comfortable with someone knowing everything about me while I do not about them.

I scooted even closer to them. They leaned back onto me, this all seemed like a good start for the both of us.

"So, what do you do?" I asked, tousling his jagged hair.

"A tea shop, I'm starting today, after school. They're upping my wage after week two, so that's good. And then, at six thirty I'd have to go to the bar to work as a bartender. And, yes, I do know how to toss and mix stuff. No, I don't get drunk. I absolutely dislike the smell of alcohol."

"Then why do you still work there?"

"It has the highest pay out of all my day jobs. Plus, that place is a friend's, we're basically family at that point, they protect me like crazy so I wasn't too worried. In the morning, I'd just help move some stuff around at the wet market, they pay way more than the convenient stores."

"I do-"

The bell had to ring, huh?

▪▫▪▫▪

They were 17; they should not be working three jobs a day. What were they paying for anyway? Shouldn't they be studying for O Levels?

It bugged me as to why someone as young as them would work; it was basically illegal for someone under 18 to be working, even if it's only a year difference. My mind lingered outside of the classroom I was in, desperate for an answer.

"Rotenberg," the chemistry teacher called out, violently pulling my roaming mind back to my body. "You're up for question ten."

"Yes, miss," I answered quietly, my eyes searching all over the place for the question given...only to find none. (See? This is why you pay attention in class, kids.)

"Rotenberg, you're up," the teacher gestured, leaving me no choice but to go to the front. I was careful not to hit anything on my way, especially not Ceb's table. As usual, they were asleep.

I looked at the board as blank as my mind. How I wish we were in the lab instead at that moment. I would much rather be messing around with chemicals (I did NOT mess around with chemicals, mind you) than be in the class revising the teachings I had missed out on. Revision days were the worst.

"It's just the graph for boiling pure water, you don't have to panic, Rotenberg," the teacher commented. The whole class burst into laughter. I basically drenched in shame, every hair on my body stood up.

"Quiet down, will you? How can your friend learn like this? Is laughing the only thing you know how to do?" she said in a calm stern voice. The laughter died down. "Rotenberg, proceed."

I gulped, begging my mind to remember what I had seen on the textbook. Every line was a wobbly one, as I felt the pressure of her stare on me, along with other thirty two pairs of eyes. The soft creaking of the ceiling fans only increased my anxiety.

When I had finished my graph, she instantly pointed out that the only mistake I made was just forgetting to label. Yet, she did not degrade me for the fact that I forgot about the labels which, to me, was surprising.

The way back to my seat was just nerve-wrecking, my hands were frozen and my legs were basically cooked noodles. I was just glad that she did not say anything or insult me.

At least she was kind enough to shut the whole class up. I did not care that there was a possibility she just hated a noisy class.

▪▫▪▫▪

"Class is over, good day, everyone. Rotenberg, you stay back, I need to talk to you," my chemistry teacher said. Oh lord.

Everyone left, including Ceb, after a short 'I gotta go now' and a peck my cheek, ignoring the fact that the teacher was still in class, they did not even bother to hide the fact that we were intimate. Right, chemistry was the last period.

"Rotenberg, are you okay?" she asked, stacking up her notes. "You seem a little out of it recently. What happened?"

What kind of question is this? "Uh, I'm just tired, miss. I'm alright."

"A person who is alright wouldn't be sent down to the boss' office. I heard about your desk. Are they still bullying you?"

"No...?" Was this the reason she helped me just now?

"Good, but if they are, speak up, Rotenberg. Also, it's a pleasure to see someone talk to Senikos again, it's been a while."

"It's been a while...?" I blurted out on accident.

"Yeah, he wasn't always like that, he was pretty okay the first year in this school. It's nice to see him smile again, really."

Does this teacher...? I held back my question. "Ah, I see, miss."

"You don't really have to call me miss when there's no one around, really. I'm just Elaine; I don't really care what my students call me. You should probably go home though," she said, carrying her files and all books. "Help me open the door before you go though."

When I held the door open, I saw someone in awfully familiar bright neon pink sports jacket leaning on one of the walls, hands in pockets.

"Elly?" I called out.