Say The Word

Chapter 9- Teens Are Scary

  Something felt off when I stepped into the class. Cebario's desk was...not there, it was just gone. Everyone was in their seats, unlike the usual gathering in groups. As I inched closer to my place, I choked. Words, offensive and vulgar words covered the entire surface of my desk. (I must say, now that I look back, I should have applauded the dedication that person had.)

No one made eye contact with me, only suffocating murmurs filled the room. I calmly sat my bag down onto the untainted chair. What was the point in trying to find out who did it? It was the same thing back at my old school, before I switched. There was one thing I learnt: do not fight back. Let them say what they want, they don't define you.

At least this time the chair was not dirty, I could still be seated. However, to think that I had to touch that filthy table, disgust crept over every inch of my body. Who decided that it was a good idea to put in so much effort for something so trivial anyway? It was childish, and I refused to let it get to me. Somewhere in me, a suspicion started to grow. Could it be Elly? No, I did not want to let what had happened yesterday affect my judgement of her, I had to hear it from her side.

Grabbing my bag with me, just in case, I dashed out of the classroom. Avoiding the few students in the hallway, I knew I still had time before the bell rung.

"Hey, is Elly here?" I knocked on the door of her classroom. A few heads turned to my direction, before Elly popped up behind me.

"I heard you were looking for me?" she said, startling me.

"Y-yeah, can we talk for a second? In private."

She nodded, leading me to the staircase at the end of the hallway that connect to the roof.

"If it's about yesterday, I'm guilty for all of them. I was a jerk, as I have said previously. It's alright if you're here to end our deal," her watering eyes fixated on the ground.

"No, Elly, hey, I'll hear you out, okay? I'm not going to judge you or anything, I promise." Good lord, Vastel, don't make promises you can't keep.

She took a deep breath, steadying herself. "I was jealous; it was true, what I had done. I was so jealous of how everyone could just talk to Cebby, I was Cebby's friend for the longest time, but whenever I feel like there is a third party in our friendship, I'll just try to push them away from him. I did go as far as spending money to bully those who grew close to him. It felt like when he had a new friend, he'd leave me."

Internally, I flinched; the lump in my throat was forming again. In that case, I was in the new friend position. Could it-

"I have gone as far as manipulating the teachers and students. It's part of the reason why until today, no one but you are talking to him. I wanted to isolate him. And at some point we were dating but I was the one who guilt tripped him into that. Whenever he brought it up, I would say really shallow things because I knew that it would tie him down to me. I knew he has demons and I was a terrible person to use them against him."

Oh, Jesus, she just confessed to shunning, bullying, guilt tripping, manipulation, and also gaslighting. Tears dripped onto her bright neon pink track sleeve; my heart was not taking it well.

She swallowed, "And, about Ty, he was an old friend, we were a trio, but it was because of my selfishness, he's scarred. It was all because I was possessive, and I let this obsession take over me. I couldn't help it. In the end, I have nothing left."

She sat down at the base of the staircase, covering up her eyes with her wrists as she whispered loud enough to be audible, "I have nothing left, Vastel, and it's all my fault, I caused all of this, with my own two hands. Why do I do this? Why do I do this to the people I love and to myself?"

In the corner, I stood, not knowing what to do. I could not say anything, nor did I know what to say. It was her fault, there was no denying it. But, it was when she had shown me that she had realised how wrong everything she had done was, left me feeling helpless. I could not give her any comfort because I, too, have thought about all the questions. We were smart enough to be aware of our situation, we were smart enough to ask all these questions, but we just were not smart enough to give ourselves the answer, we were not smart enough to solve the problems we were aware of.

"So I wanted to turn things around. I knew I had to amend things with Cebby. It's all too late when I wanted to try. His heart was already sealed; no amount of begging was enough for him to forgive me." I handed a packet of tissue paper from my bag, tears cascading down her face, it broke my heart to see her like that. She had the determination to change; it was all I needed to confirm that the desks were not her doing. In fact, I wanted to help her gain Cebario's forgiveness.

"I'm not going to end anything between us," I sat down beside her. "So, don't worry about a thing. You changed, and I'm happy that you did, really."

She sat there, eyes puffy from crying, her neat bun had become a messy one. She rasped, "Thank you, Vastel, thank you for hearing me out and still want to be by my side."

Lord, please let this be the real Elly, the changed Elly. I could not stand the idea of me being blind like I had with so many things anymore.

▪▫▪▫▪

Cebario trailed behind me as I re-entered the classroom once more. The bell was about to ring, Cebario's table was still missing, my table was still covered in sickening slurs and insults.

"The fuck is my table?" Cebario glared at the rest of the class.

No one spoke.

"Don't make me repeat myself again. Where. The. Fuck. Is. My. Table?" Cebario's tone was eerily the same, collected as always. Yet, it managed to make a wave of chills wash over my body, even when I was innocent.

The unbroken silence was deafening.

A sliver of reflected light in his eyes revealed his rage when he glanced at my direction. Storming up to my desk, he swiped a finger on the nauseating wordings. He frowned, "What happened here? What's with this bullshit?"

I shrugged slowly, unsure of how to give him a reply.

"Goddamnit, geep, you can't just keep quiet about this. Did you tell the teachers?" he scratched his head.

"Mr. Senikos, what are you doing at Mr. Rotenberg's place? Go back to your seat," boomed the homeroom teacher.

"Sir," Cebario turned to the teacher. "As you can see, we have a problem. My table is missing, and his desk is covered in profanities."