Forget Green Gables

Phone Chats With the Bestie

"She's evil!" Jamie exclaims into the phone. "Absolutely evil!"

"Why is she evil?" I ask, blowing on a freshly painted sky blue toe nail. My princess toe, an inherited flaw courtesy of my mother, smudges against my big toe. "Gracias, Mama," I mutter sarcastically, dabbing at the nail polish with a Q-tip dipped in acetone.

"She gives me these looks across the room any time I talk like I'm a fly buzzing in her ear and she wants to smack me." As she speaks, I hear a rhythmic whack-whack-whack; Jamie's tossing a tennis ball against her floor, the wall, and then back on the floor. She's got the phone tucked between her shoulder and her ear, leaning against one of her dozen *NSYNC posters. Jamie's bedroom is just barely bigger than a shoebox. She loves it. I find it claustrophobic and comfortable all at once.

"Well..." I pause, trying to figure out my words. "Are you smarter than her?"

"Of course I'm not smarter than her. I'm not smarter than anyone."

"Oh, that's bullshit," I reply. "You're smarter than 99% of the morons on this planet." I blow on my toenails, stretching my legs out to get a look at them from a distance. My right pinky nail scrapes against the desk chair and smudges. "Mierda," I grumble, dipping another Q-tip in acetone.

"That's a little strong," Jamie states. "And watch your language." Damn. I should not have taught her Spanish swear words.

"Maybe it's a bit of a hyperbole, but not much of one."

Jamie groans. "Please, no school terms. We have a test over that stuff on Monday, and I don't need to be reminded that my best friend is basically Einstein."

"Next time Jessica starts bugging you, smile as sweetly as you can at her and let her wonder why you're smiling. That's a terrifying prospect to anyone."

"You're mildly evil, you know that, right?"

"It's the red hair. Serves as a warning." I stretch out again, this time with no smudges. "I don't understand why you're so worried about this girl."

Jamie sighs. "I used to want to be friends with her, way back when in Girl Scouts. I'm still a little peeved she stuck her snotty little nose up at me."

"She bruised your ego," I translate.

"I really hate it when you're right, you know that?"

I laugh; I can't help it. We have been friends for long enough that I always tell Jamie the truth, even when she doesn't want it. "See you tomorrow at Youth Group."