𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐆𝐔𝐘 • adrien agreste

// 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐞 (at the center there's clarity)

all it took was travelling to a different country for me to get something onto the page. i'll fix the formatting when i have my laptop. sorry for disappearing for ages, can't promise it won't happen again :)

★ ─── 救い主

There was something comfortable about the predictability of the mundane. Like the alternating colours of a traffic light, or working the same nine-to-five for years on end, or the plot of the movie he was currently watching. It was repetitive, lacking surprise; anticipatable.

And maybe, all the same, was the way he indulged himself—living life without major change, going through the motions until he eventually settled into bed, ready to do it again the next day. Spending his time with familiar people, participating in similar activities, behaving how others expected him to. It left his peers with little to criticise. He was friendly and charming and wise and whatever other adjectives people would use to describe him, but never quite satisfied. 

The only reason anyone bothered to approach him was to pick his brain. [Y.Name] didn’t mind offering his guidance, but it also never inspired him to get closer to those he spoke to in his day-to-day life. He knew their likes and dislikes and so much more information about their relationships than he should, and that was enough.

It used to feel rewarding, assisting his classmates, but recently, it had been nothing but exhausting. [Y.Name] worried he'd fall to despair the longer he let those around him push at his limits (and if he continues to let them, how will he break? Would he shatter, piercingly, like a delicate vase, or implode with a flutter like a house of cards?).

Burned one too many times by those he used to consider friends or family, his helpful heart has turned bitter; [Y.Name] started to consider himself and himself alone, no longer focusing on what anybody else was thinking or doing, or who they were talking to and why. Some may call that selfish, disappearing into his own world and disregarding everyone else, but [Y.Name] would argue that he's simply enforcing the boundaries he'd been too great a people-pleaser to enforce before—better to be shrewd than senseless with his time or trust, especially when others are always looking to take advantage of him.

[Y.Name] pressed his cheek into the crown of Adrien's head and squeezed him gently before urging him further into his hold with a sigh. 

He supposes that was part of the reason why he refused to become a hero upon receiving his miraculous. Sure, Fu wasn't wrong when he pointed out his need to help people, but bending over backwards for others was a much greater weakness than a strength.

And so he's selfish; he paved his own path, as pothole-filled as it may be, to fulfil his own needs, even if it hurts himself or his loved ones.

He just wanted akumas, and all the trouble they brought, to disappear for good. No more preying on peoples’ anger or sadness, no more endangering lives, no more disturbing his day with random, magical villains and superheroes battling it out on the streets. Simply, normal people with their normal, everyday problems.

But, in a similar vein, he wondered if there was a way to make it hurt less. 

Knowing that Adrien was who he faced, that he was the person on the other side of his weapon when he fought the hero duo, had rattled him deeply. [Y.Name] thought he'd be able to work everything out with Adrien once it was revealed that his father was Hawk Moth, but he wasn't sure he could stomach the idea of betraying his trust too.