Coffee Talks: Proses And Roses

Growing Up

When I was young, I used to be so excited about growing up. I would often wear my mother's high heels and pretend that I was a boss of a well-known company. I'd walk around the house, hearing each satisfying click of heels hitting the floor, and thinking to myself that I can't wait to get old and finally do something different in my life.

But that was then. Because as I grew older, I realized how wrong I was. I didn't want to get old. Being one also means having to handle so many roles and responsibilities at once. There are so many things that I have learned along the way. And one of them is, with pure honesty, to enjoy the now.

I often feel like I've wasted my childhood. I was too busy pleasing my classmates. I had this idea in my head that I needed to look good enough at school so that they'd like me. So that they'd eventually want to be friends with me. I used to wrapped a jacket around my waist so that they wouldn't see my body fats or think how miserable I am.

And to be honest, at nineteen years of age, I'm still struggling. I find that I've always been so desperate to make people like me. And I hated the feeling when I feel like they don't.

I thought that if I grew up, I would no longer think about these things. That I'd be mature enough to handle my own insecurities and let people think what they want to. But that's not the case. Because insecurities doesn't fade easily in time.

Now that I'm almost a full-time adult (which also means I'll be turning twenty in a few weeks and would no longer be considered a teenager), I want to change what I once believed.

Yes, I am scared of growing old. I'm scared of adapting to the real world. In three years time, I'll be graduating from college. That means I'll have to look for a job and find my own place to live. But there are still so many things I want to learn before fully stepping into that dimension.

But for now, I wish that (in these coming years), I would have the strength and courage to face what's about to happen to me. Whether it's related to my personal life, career, or anything else.

I want to prove to my younger self that growing up isn't such a scary thing. It happens to the rest of us and it's totally normal. There are so many opportunities out there that awaits us. So many memories that we are yet to create with wonderful people we're about to meet.

So here's to you: I hope you're doing just fine. Don't overthink about the future. Just focus on the now and give yourself a credit for making it all the way here. We're going to be okay.

Here's to life and growing up.