Coffee Talks: Proses And Roses

Loneliness

If anyone would ask me how I'm feeling now, I have two words to say. Angry and lonely. I'm angry that I can't be as happy as most people I see. They have so much to look forward to every day. So much to live for. So much to feel happy about. Me? I have nothing but my silly imagination that creates scenarios that would most likely never happen. I don't have much to offer to people because I can't do anything extraordinary. I only write to express what I feel. I read when I feel like reality is becoming overwhelming to deal with. I turn to art when I get lonely. Not to people. Not to anyone. That's probably why I feel pathetic.

People my age are almost fit for marriage. I've seen my former classmates online talk about their significant others. An acquaintance I once had when I was sixteen is already married and has two kids. They are so much ahead of their time. They all seem to know what they want to pursue in life. So full of certainty. Almost no room for doubt.

I'm wearing my favorite cardigan as I'm writing this down. Beside me is my favorite stuffed animal and on my lap is my blanket with my charging laptop screen on top. I have nothing else to do but to write down what I feel. Because what else is there for me to do? There is no one around here that I can share my feelings with. No one I know who is willing to listen to whatever I have to say.

All that's left of me is my words. Words that are simply made up by my chaotic mind. Words that I probably can never tell to anyone.

This entry probably makes no sense. It doesn't have to make sense, actually. My goal here is to only let out what I'm feeling now. It doesn't need to be beautiful, uplifting, encouraging. Sometimes all we need is a sprinkle of reality. No sugarcoating. No lies.

If you are reading this, I hope you're well. And if you aren't, you don't have to force yourself. Like me, you probably find life a little too difficult to deal with. And that's okay. We don't always have to appear happy. We don't always have to appear so positive.

Sometimes, all there is to be is to acknowledge your feelings.

This is me acknowledging mine.