Dagger From the Mirror (ROTTMNT/TMNT 2012 Crossover Fic)

Consequences

He fucked up.

Raph knew this—how could he not? If the looks his brothers and team had given him weren't enough to tell him, the voices screaming at him in his mind sure did. They cried out in anger and rage, but in guilt and sadness and regret too, the emotions competing in intensity and volume and trying to steal his attention. Would anger or guilt win? Raphael didn't know, but he knew that he couldn't think straight with the noises coming from both inside and outside of his mind. He couldn't think.

So that was why he ran.

His feet pounded against the concrete of the tunnels, carefully enough to avoid the main stream of water yet just reckless enough to not care about how loud he was being. He may have been a ninja, but in this moment, he couldn't care less about keeping his steps muted, nor did he care that he was muttering as he ran either. What was he saying? A whole lot of bullshit, that was what; he knew it too.

"They provoked me!" "His plans were stupid anyway." "Not my fault they took offense." "They didn't understand my point." "They brought on the argument!" "I didn't mean it!"

Nothing he was saying was true, save for the final admittance. He really didn't mean to say what he had.

But that didn't change the fact that he had said it.

Raphael shook his head, hoping to banish the thoughts long enough to at least figure out where he was and where he was going. Though the sewers all looked pretty similar, he'd lived in them long enough to know exactly where he was: right below an old, unused office building. Good. This was exactly where he'd wanted to go.

Climbing up the ladder and jumping up into the alley, Raphael looked around to see the streets deserted and lights off. This wasn't a surprise to Raphael in the least bit; he'd come to this area of town specifically because of how empty it was. After one of their bigger and messier battles had occurred here a few months back, most people had stopped coming to the area and most of the shops had closed down. The residents that had an apartment here that they couldn't move out of just constantly had their blinds shut and windows locked, which made it the perfect place for Raphael to express his emotions in peace.

And by "express his emotions", he meant he intended to kick the trash cans and throw the lids at the ground, and maybe punch a few brick walls by he was at it.

Why was he like this? He never meant to really hurt his counterpart... annoy him a little, sure, maybe even anger him a bit, but he'd never intended to actually hurt him. It wasn't the other Raph's fault that Raphael's brothers seemed to like him better. It wasn't the other Raph's fault that Michelangelo kept joking that Splinter must like the new respectful Raph better. It wasn't other Raph's fault that this was all bringing up old insecurities that Raphael had wanted nothing more than to leave buried forever.

But Raphael had still made the conscious decision to take those feelings out on him anyway, just because he didn't know what else to do.

"Agh!" Raph shouted out a grunt as he tossed one of the trash can lids against the alley wall, baring his teeth as though he were threatening the wall. None of this was enough. Raphael still felt just as angry as he had when he'd first come above ground, but his usual anger release wasn't working for him tonight; what else was he supposed to do? He would call Casey and see if he wanted to go beat up some goons, but he was "hanging out with some friends" and had told them not to bother him.

Of course, this all had to happen tonight.

Raphael clenched his fists tightly. Unfortunately for him, none of this was working, only getting him riled up even more at best, and that wasn't helping. He just wanted to stop thinking, but evidently, the universe didn't want to award him even that.