My Life's Story

Prologue

Prologue

Raindrops on our roof, whispering winds, and thunderclaps. This weather makes me feel at ease and contemplating random thoughts.

Only the glow in the dark stickers can be seen in this dark room of mine. Tila nakabalot ang aking katawan sa aking makapal na kumot at nakatulala sa kawalan. Patay ang mga ilaw pati na 'rin ang lampara na aking katabi.

I never imagined that this day would come again when I would feel lonely and no one to run to. I want to blame my fucking life for making me feel this way. I want to blame the one who created us for giving me a life like this. But in reality, the only person to blame is myself. Because I chose to be this way, and I let myself live this way, and I believe it is my fate to be alone forever, to be a loser.

*Knock-knock*

"Mayi halika't nag luto ako ng paborito mong champorado mabuti at mainit pa 'di na ito masarap kapag lumamig." My tita said as she knocked on my door.

I dragged myself out of bed and walked closer to the door to open it. I'm not sure why, but I was exhausted even though I spent the entire day lying down on my bed.

Pag bukas ko ng pintuan ay agad na nakita ko ang nag aalalang ekspresyon sa muka ni Tita Neth na agad ko namang ginawaran ng matipid na ngiti.

"Mayi ayos ka lang ba? May nararamdaman ka ba?" With a concerned tone, she inquired.

"Opo tita ayos lamang po ako." Sagot ko na may ngiti sa aking mga labi.

Ayokong nag-aalala sakin si Tita Neth. I don't want to be a source of stress for her. Because Tita Neth has been taking care of me since my mother gave birth to me, and she is the one who has raised me since my mother died while giving birth to me. Growing up without a mother who will look after you is extremely difficult. I'm envious of people who have mothers who will cook meals for them, tell them stories, and love them unconditionally. I've never felt a mother's love.

"Tara na po at baka lumamig pa ang niluto ninyo mukang masarap pa naman din 'yon" Masayang pag-aya ko sa aking Tita.

She smiled at me briefly.

While Tita Neth was preparing our food, I had an out-of-the-blue thought that seemed impossible. Ang hirap maging over thinker. Masyadong madaming iniisip.

"Anong masasabi mo Mayi sa luto ko? Masarap ba?" Tanong ni tita Neth habang ginagawaran ako ng kanyang mga ngiti. I was thinking, what if my Mom made my favorite food? Is she as pleased as Tita Neth while preparing it for me?

"Masarap po tita." I smiled at her.

"Thank you, Tita, for always being by my side and taking care of me since the first day I stepped into this world." I expressed my gratitude to her.

I promised that one day all your hardships in me would be repaid.

"Ano ka ba, responsibilidad kita dahil malaki ang utang na loob ko sa Mama mo, s'ya ang tumulong sa akin nung panahong nanga-ngailangan ako at kailangan ko ng karamay. Hindi ako iniwan ng mama mo. Miss na miss ko na ang Mama mo. Hinabilin ka nya sa akin bago sya mawala Miya." Ramdam ko ang lungkot sa boses ni Tita Neth kahit ipakita nya sakin ang kanyang mga ngiti.

"Oh s'ya ubusin mo na 'yan at baka lumapig pa."

Pag lingon ko sa sala ay nakita ko si Lexi na nakaupo at tila nakasimangot.

"Lexi, kumain ka na ba?" Pag tanong ko sa aking pinsan.

She only looked at me and rolled her eyes.

I don't know, but she's always been mean to me since we were kids, acting as if she doesn't want to play with me and picking fights with me over trivial matters. I've always wondered why she despises me so much.

Our class will begin in a week. I decided to attend PHILSCA because it would be better for me to begin my grade 11 education there so that I would not struggle when I entered college. STEM ang kinuha kong strand, dahil ang course na kukunin ko pag tungtong ng college ay Bachelor of Science in Aeronautical Engineering. I know I'm not particularly gifted in math or science, but the word "Engineer" makes me happy.

Ang babaw ko ba?

I decided to go to MOA to get some stationery supplies. Hindi naman ganoon karami ang bibilhin ko kaya 3 p.m. na 'ko ng hapon umalis. I bid a goodbye to my aunt before leaving so she wouldn't have to worry about me.

Sumakay nalang ako ng taxi para hindi hassle. Antagal na din nung huling punta ko dito palagi kasi akong nasa bahay. Despite the fact that my friends invited me, I chose to be alone because I am content with my own company.

Pag kababa ko ay nag diretso ako sa National Book Store dahil school supplies lang din naman ang mga bibilhin ko. I brought a list of the items I intend to purchase today para mapadali din ang aking pag bili.

Nakakuha na 'ko ng mga kailangan ko nakita kong mahaba pa naman ang pila sa counter so I decided to go to the book corner. I attempted to reach the book on the top shelf. Nang halos maabot ko na ito ay muntik na akong mahulog ng may biglang sumalo sa aking mga balikat. What occurred astounded me. But I can tell you that this guy has a very appealing scent, he smells very manly. I took a slow look behind me and noticed a man with sharp brown eyes, soft pink lips that are begging to be kissed, his amazing pointed nose and also his fair white skin. I can confidently state that his features were flawless.

Ini-alis ko ang aking sarili sa pag kakamangha at ini-ayos ko ang aking sarili sa pag kakatayo.

"So-sorry..." I said, my voice quivering.

He just gave me a serious look and grabbed the book I was about to get before walking away. Napatulala nalang ako habang papalayo s'yang lumalakad.

Teka...

Yung libro kong bibilhin kinuha nya!

I dashed after him to get the book I was about to buy. Pero pag minamalas ka nga naman bigla na lang sya nawala! Napansin kong wala na din ang pila sa counter kaya napag pasyahan kong mag bayad nalang ng aking mga binili.

Pumunta muna ako sa The Coffee Bean isang coffee shop malapit sa sea side. I ordered a cup of Americano coffee. Masasabi kong  napaka ganda ng view lalo na at palubog ang haring araw. It's extremely relaxing to sip coffee while watching the sunset.

Then...

Out of nowhere, a random thought entered my mind.

I know I'm upset with my father for what he did, but I still wonder how he's doing. Gusto ko syang tanungin bakit wala sya sa mga panahong kailangan ko sya? Bakit nung nawala si Mama ay parang nawalan 'din ako ng Ama? He's still alive, but I've never felt loved by my father. I wondered if he ever cared about me. Why does it feel like I've been alone in this world since I was born?

Do I deserve to live in this world full of what-ifs, and if not, why not? Do I deserve to be the only person in my life? And no one to cling to.