When The World Stops

Nostalgia

Namjoon stood in front of his door, heart constricted in his chest as he watched the small smile she came with drop to a straight line. His fingers itched to open the door and pull her in, forget everything that happened today, forget Suga's words and the consequences. There was nothing more he wanted to do than to open the goddamn door and pull the corners of her lips up into that pretty smile of hers. He felt guilty, he felt grimy like a liar would. Giving it a few minutes until he was sure she was probably out his block, he slowly unlocked his door peeping through the small crack before his hands went out and brought the bags inside.

The first thing that caught his eyes was a bright purple cute bag, his clothes neatly folded inside. His cheeks grew red at the mental image of her in it, her beautiful perfect self in his clothes which now smelled like vanilla, like her. And for the first time today he smiled genuinely only for it to collapse the second he touched the second bag - Hotteok.

"My granma, used to make the best hotteok" He told her, trying to copy her actions as she painted a simple rose on the canvas. He failed miserably. She smiled back at him, her hair in one of her crazy up do's. "It's been a while since I've eaten it." He found himself admitting, happy that he hasn't forgotten how his grandma looked like, her usual soft smile and her signature - she smelled of soap. 'Was it your comfort food?" She asked, using her finger to smudge some of the paint giving it a gradient appearance, making it look almost 3d. "I suppose so." He nodded chuckling sadly. "We'll eat it together one day, I promise."

"Fuck." He cursed, taking out the small paper bag within the plastic bag, leaving a folded sheet of paper. 'Heat it you moron.' He snorted. In all honesty, namjoon felt touched and for some unexplainable reason he felt like no one had ever done something more cuter and thoughtful than this...fucking hell, he was being stupid, he had received much more but this ...this was different. While everyone else gave him expensive gifts thinking this is what a celebrity was all about...she gave him a piece of his past he cherished. What was he doing? What was he fucking doing? They were supposed to be eating it together, she was supposed to be next to him and they were supposed to be laughing at something stupid. Yet....yet there was nothing he could do, he didn't want to expose her, he didn't want her hurt, it was better this way and he was sure she would get the message - Kim Namjoon just didn't want her around anymore.

He slid down the door, legs folded up in front of him, bag next to him and hotteok in his hand. The smell already nostalgic. He couldn't even thank her. He could only eat it slowly leaning his head back on the door as soft tears rolled down his face. Maybe it was the guilt from hiding and lying, maybe it was the fact that he felt helpless especially now that he realised to him, A-Rin wasn't just his friend anymore, he harboured feelings for her and like always it was bound to fail.

'I'll end up suffocating her'

He knew deep down, what he was doing needed to be done, at least for the time being. He needed to make sure there weren't people invading her privacy and learning her secrets. She deserved atleast that much respect. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her by him just being him. He felt so stupid, that he let himself feel romantically for her. Maybe if he didn't make it so obvious Suga wouldn't have figured it out and maybe instead of him sitting on the floor they would be eating together like they normally did. He just wised things to go by faster, he just wished he could press some button that would erase every memory they had of each other maybe that way he wouldn't hurt her by ghosting and he would die from the guilt.

Rapmon's bark brought him to reality, his nose nudging his leg before climbing onto his owner's lap snuggling against his chest sensing Namjoon's distress.

"I'm okay monnie." He chocked out running his hand through his soft white coat. A-Rin deserved a better friend and by the looks of things, she's on her way to get someone more who was able to offer her more. Kim Tae Ho.