Back To Seattle

Chapter 4

She groaned as she heard the sound of the alarm waking her up. She reached over and grabbed the offending phone, her old phone, turning off the alarm and typing out a message to Jordan. He still hadn't replied to her previous message.

Boarding plane now, will let you know when I land.

She reset her alarm to make sure she was at least up by midday, just in case, and tried to go back to sleep. She wasn't all that tired now, and if she forced herself to sleep, she was more likely to have nightmares and she'd rather be tired tomorrow than have to deal with those.

She picked up her newer phone, re-reading the messages between her and Derek. What if she'd met Derek all those years ago? Before she met Jordan, or even, earlier on in her relationship with him. Would she have felt this same attraction? Was she just feeling this attraction because he was someone who cared about her?

She didn't wasn't to lead Derek on, that was the last thing she wanted to do. But when she was around him, it took a lot of her willpower to not give in like she had on that first night. She definitely couldn't go getting drunk around him again. Jordan was right, she was kind of a whore when she drank, as she had already proven.

Maybe she should stay in Boston. Jordan loved her. He had his faults, everyone has their faults, but he said he loved her. He always said he loved her, and that he missed her, and maybe she was just being ridiculous about all of this. He was her husband. They'd said vows. She couldn't just... no, she had to. He wasn't going to stop hurting her. Or maybe he would. Maybe they just needed to talk about it. Maybe she should just talk about it with him. There had to be some other outlet for his frustration than on herself, and they could make this work. She definitely didn't need to be tricking herself into thinking she was falling in love with her new boss. That seemed drastic.

She drew a deep breath as her eyes started to water. She didn't know what to do. All of it was just so confusing, this constant battle in her mind over what was right and wrong. Jordan had cheated on her; she'd seen that with her own eyes. He had hurt her, physically, that definitely happened. But he wasn't a bad guy, he wasn't a horrible person. He was the guy who helped her find her way in med school. He had been there when her relationship with her mother broke down, when all her other friends had left. He'd promised to take care of her, to look after her, provide for her. They had problems. Every marriage had problems. Maybe he wouldn't be so frustrated if she could actually conceive a baby, like they had wanted for so long.

She'd had all the tests done, she'd sat through them all and they couldn't find anything wrong. Yet, she still hadn't gotten pregnant, and he was adamant it wasn't him, so surely there must be something that was missed, or maybe they just had really bad luck, but they had been trying for the past year. Well, not the past couple months. She'd been... cautious the past few months. She'd planned on leaving him, she couldn't get pregnant, then there would have been no way out. But did she really have to leave him? Was that really necessary?

The sound of her alarm going off pulled her out of her thoughts and reached over to turn it off. She needed a shower, she still felt disgusting from the plane ride over, and she needed to stop thinking. She got up and dragged herself into the bathroom, turning on the hot water of the shower before sitting on the edge of the bath and looking around the room and not seeing a towel. She went back into the main room, opening the closet to grab a clean towel. As she did, she noticed her old phone had lit up with a new message. She crossed the room with her towel in hand to check it.

See you at home.

At least he wasn't picking her up from the airport. She went back into the bathroom, setting the towel down and taking off the robe before stepping into the shower. For about five minutes, she just let the water fall over her, the fear finally starting to set in. In two hours, she'd be back at their apartment, and have to face whatever mood he was in. She had left and been gone for over two weeks. That didn't happen. They didn't spend time apart. She hadn't even told him when she left. She'd had every excuse to not tell him, she'd caught him fucking some random red head and she was angry. But he would be angrier. The sooner she dealt with it, the sooner she could be back in Seattle.