When everything feels awry, people keep on saying, "It's just a battle- you can survive it."
When everything feels like hell, people loves to say, "It's nothing serious- just ignore it."
When everything became haunted, people use to question you like, "It was all done in the past, can't you forget it!?"
When you feel like your world is drowning and no one dare reach their hands to you for a help, you can't stop yourself from saying, "I've been here again, why can't you give me some peace of mind instead of piece of shits?"
World. Life. Happiness. Sorrow. Pain. Heartbreaks. Smiles. Tears. Dreams. Unsaid words. Weeps. Midnight thoughts. Nightmares. Sickness. Insecurities. Weak heart. Foolishness.
Everything!
How I wish I can fade in this world momentarily just to escape and feel the real essence of happiness and blissfulness even just for a second.
How I wish my eyes won't tear up instantly, remembering the baggages that keep on slurking on my mind that keeps my heart from beating hardly.
How I wish my mouth could stop weeping at late nights until dawn as my heart keep on aching thinking how pity myself is.
How I wish my ear could stop functioning just to be safe from the pretentious and hilarious opinions of human in the neighborhood whenever they see me achieving nor struggling.
How I wish I could stop from breathing and just forget that I am a human and this is the kind of life I never or no one wanted to.
I am unsure of everything but I am not losing hope. (I already lost it the other day.)
I am undecided of my life but I am not giving up. (I feel like giving up everyday.)
I became a victim of s-i-i-a- that's why I can't just breakdown like a shit, again. (How I hate myself for being this weak.)
I was a horrible person back then, but why does it keeps on knocking myself down until now - again and again!?
Can't it stop?
Stop, please. Stop.
Stop. I can't breathe anymore.
Stop. I only feel the pain on my veins and it strangle my breathe away harder.
Stop. Stop failing me like I was never your child.
Stop. Stop giving me an air if you can't stop my tears to run down.
Stop. Stop this nonsense already because I am already tired of everything from the very start of this race.
Stop, please stop. I can't handle all this pain easily, I can't carry another heartbreak again.
Stop, please stop. My soul is hardly breathing.
But...
If you cannot stop, then maybe I should do it for myself to make things up.
(Written: 12th of August, year 2021)
