It's when you committed a mistake once, but all your life, you've been and you are being punished by the world for a lifetime.
It's when you are trying to convince yourself that you are more than enough than before.
It's when you couldn't find allies, neither for a friend, a family member or even your lover, for a comfort.
It's when you feel too tired of living, but can't die anyways according to your will.
It's when you are so exhausted of everything, and cannot stop yourself from crying.
It's when you love to help people who are in need, but when you needed a hand, no one would lend a hand to you for a tight grip.
It's when you always suck at everything, according to the people who didn't even really know the real story of your struggles.
It's when you can't control your tears from falling, just because of little things they've done to you, or just for some little words they've spoken unto you.
It's when you wish to have some peace, but the world keeps haunting you to a hellish place.
It's when you wish to disappear in this world, just so because of emptiness you are feeling.
It's when, even you yourself couldn't understand your true self.
It's when everything went black in a world full of rainbows and unicorns.
It's when you are good at everything, but seems to be useless at all.
It's when you love someone, but couldn't get the average love from them.
It's when you feel neglected in a circle of friends, whom you wish to be with at all times.
It's when you got scolded in a public, but no one dares to fight for you, because for them, you are a great sinner, a bad evil, a disobedient son.
It's when you couldn't comfort yourself for any words, as you were seem empty, inside and out.
It's when you keep on praying, on praying, on praying, while keeping the sobs and tears just inside of your tongue.
Everything. Everything.
Everything seems beyond scary in this world.
Everyone is scary to my world, even my own self, to others' worlds.
𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓭
(Written: 9th of July, 2022)
