I still want it all with you

A**hole heart

*****

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*****

The olfactory memory is something fantastic, really unfuckingbelievable, I just needed to breathe her aroma for just one second for all the memories that I took so long to archive, lock, chain, and seal in the dark sides of my mind, come to live. Suddenly I relived everything, every laugh, every look, every caress, every fucking kiss. I looked at Ana with anger, I couldn't understand why she was doing this to me, after everything I went through, I know I had told her that I didn't care and that everything would be fine when I finally saw her, but she must have known, I should have known, I needed to prepare myself psychologically for this meeting, Ana looked at me with expectant eyes as if trying to understand what I was thinking while I felt the betrayal of my best friend for the first time. I took a deep breath, 1% to help my body calm down and lower my anxiety level and 99% to fill my lungs with that scent that I had missed so much, then I turned around.

My eyes immediately colliding with hers, out of the corner of my eye I could see a smiling Andrew, but I couldn't take my eyes off her, I had to control myself soon, I had to pretend to be calm, speak, and act like everything was fine, say hello, give her a smile, congratulate her, then continuing to look at the photos for a bit longer before I left to lay down in a fetal position for the rest of the weekend, I filled my lungs with air again, blinked, and forced myself to interact as a socially developed human being.

"Hello" I had to swallow because the words felt like sandpaper going down my throat "What a surprise" very well Emma, now smile, that's it, you can do this.

"Hello" she said smiling, then she took two more steps and wrapped me in her arms, something was happening in my stomach, it felt weird. Fuuuuck, my senses were malfunctioning, it was an overdose of her, an overdose when I already thought I was rehabilitated, fuck fuck fuck.

Suddenly I felt someone grabbed my arms that were limp at my sides and lifted them to return the hug, it was obviously Ana looking at me, nodding, I looked at her with narrowed eyes for the two extra seconds that the hug lasted. When she released me, her eyes searched mine, she was about to say something, but was interrupted by someone requesting her presence.

"Ok, I'll be there in a few minutes" she said without moving her eyes from mine.

"Mhm, sorry, but it's urgent" the guy said apologetically.

"Go on Alex, we'll be here. It's fine" said Ana, she looked away for a single moment to look at Ana and that was enough to wake me up from the trance. Then she looked at me again, but I had already raised my walls, those same walls that I spent months building and that today with the help of my best friends she had mercilessly destroyed. Andrew looked at me giving me an apologetic smile, but I gave both of them that smile that I had been practicing for a long time, the smile of someone who doesn't care about anything or anyone. Then the two of them walked away with the guy.

"Emma ..." Ana said coming closer to be in front of me.

"Hey, don't worry, I'm fine, I told you I was going to be" I said grabbing one of the champagne glasses that were being distributed.

"Emma, ​​shit! Don't do this again. This person that you become is sometimes frustrating, it's okay to feel things, you know?" she said, putting her hands in her hair. I gave her another smile and snorted, linking my arm with her to walk around the gallery and see the exhibition, while I felt her look at me askance, waiting for some reaction. "Are you going to say something?"

"Ana, what do you want me to say? Would you rather that I get angry with you for having brought me here behind my back and run away? I imagine you thought about that possibility and that's why you didn't let me bring my car, you really made a number on me this time" I said while looking at a photograph that I had never seen, it was from a plaza in Spain because the signs were in Spanish.