I still want it all with you

Grief

"Oh no, and then what happened?"

The young girl asked, she looked sad, her beautiful honey-colored eyes were starting to tear up, and that broke the other woman's heart. She didn't think it could be possible to feel even sadder talking about that, but now, looking at the young girl, she found herself at a loss for words.

It has been too long, but at the same time she still wasn't ready to talk about that, it marked her, it marked both of them.

Now it felt like a black and white movie threaten to begin playing in her head, she didn't want to watch it, she didn't want to relive it, but she knew it was time, it was time to fill her in the details, to let her know everything, she had the right to know even if that meant that telling somebody else about one of the worst times of her life.

"Mom? You are zoning out again..."

"Yes, sweetheart, sorry."

The older woman said, extending her hand to touch the girl's face, those adorable chubby cheeks, she was growing up so fast, she will be a teenager in a few years and that petrified her. She wanted to keep her as a baby, as her baby girl forever, she didn't want to deal with boyfriends or girlfriends, teenage parties and all that sort of stuff.

"Mooooomm" Lily said again, this time clearly losing her short kid patience.

"Ok, ok"

Her mom said, looking at the horizon, they were seating comfortably in a towel laid on the sand, they had about 2 more hours until the sunset, then they will have to inevitably make their way to an empty home. There was so much that she wanted to tell her daughter, but of course, not everything could be said, she went back in her mind to all those years back.

<>

It was a very somber day at the hospital, but then again, most days are somber in hospitals. Alex had experienced very bad days at hospitals, and she hated them, now Emma was sharing the same sentiment, and Alex wished she could spare her from that feeling, that she could spare her from everything that Emma was feeling right now, she has never seen her look so broken-hearted before.

"Alex, oh my god, what happened?" Ana asked Alex that was pacing in the hallway just outside Emma's hospital room. Alex didn't have to say anything, Ana could see it all on her face, she reached out and hugged the taller woman and cradled her while she became nothing in her arms.

"She...she felt cramps...and when the doctor checked...there was no heartbeat" Alex said between sobs, finally able to release some emotion, she was putting up a strong front for Emma, but she felt like she was dying inside. Ana couldn't say anything, she felt her heart breaking for her friends, and she could only imagine how Emma was feeling.

"Can I see her?" Ana said, almost in a whisper, when she was finally able to find her voice. Alex let go of her embrace, carelessly whipping her tears with the sleeve of her sweater.

"They gave her a sedative, they have to perform a D&C later" Alex took her hands to her eyes in an attempt to stop more tears to fall, Ana gave her a gentle squeeze on her shoulder feeling her own tears streaming down her face "It knocked her out, I came here to call her parents. I just don't know how, they are going to be devastated, Ana"

"I know, Al, do you want me to call them?" Ana offered, she didn't know how to help them, she just wanted to grab some of their sadness and carry it for them, along with her own.

"No, that's ok, just go and be with her for a bit" Alex nodded towards Emma's room. "I have to talk with Dr. Stinson as well" Ana nodded and left Alex standing like a lost child in the hallway.