The Elephant Secret

Chapter 15

“We will go through here.” I say and pint at the old city. I once went there on a field trip with my school. Only few houses are left standing, everything ells has been burned to the ground. “My father told me to go there for some reason.” They all nod and smile. “We leave here at dawn.” I say and turn to the weapons.

Ash helps me pack the weapons. We find as many backpacks as we can and start to argue about which weapons are important and which weapons are not. Ash’s knowledge is useful when it comes to this stuff, but we can argue forever about these kind of shit. We lay all the bags on the floor and start to organize every bag. Each bag has a small hand pistol and extra bullets. Also in every bag there is a ‘walkie talkie’ and a grenade. “So have you told him?” Ash asks.

“Told, who what?” I asks even though I know what he’s talking about.                                     

 “Have you told Drake about, you know what?” I don’t look at him as I stuff a first aid kit in one of the bags.

“Some, yes.” I lick my lips and look around myself, looking for something to focus on.

“What did you tell him?” I know that I and Ash have a complicated history, and he likes to protect me but I don’t need protection I’m a big girl.

“Just that I used to do it” I tell him even though I don’t want to, but I know that he will get it out of me anyways.

“So you never told him how we know each other?” I shake my head.

“How do you two know each other?” A raspy voice asks from behind us. I turn to meet Drake’s gaze. I swallow hard and look at Ash. Hoping he would safe me. But to my disappointment he says nothing. “Can someone answer me?” Drake asks uneasy.

“I’m letting you deal with this.” Ash says before walking out of the room.

“Well?” Drake says and I lick my dry lips and run a hand through my hair. “You two used to bang?” He asks and looks at me with disappointment on his face. “That’s how you met?”

“No!” I say and clench my fists. “He was my dealer.” His face falls and he starts to look at me with pity in his eyes. “That’s how we met.” I say and walk past him to get out. “Not that it’s any of your business!” I spit at him. “I never fucked him.” I say as I open the door. His hand wraps around my wrist and he pulls me back. My brain tells me to shake his hand off but I don’t. I don’t want to. I’ve never met anyone that cares like he does. “What?” I ask and turn to him.

“Sorry.” He says and looks me in the eyes. “I was just…jealous. I guess.” I press my lips into thin line, biting the inside of my cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I let my hand drop to my side. “But you have to understand I have a very long history.” He nods. “I’m not the person people take me for. I have done a lot of things I regret and I will never talk about. Yet I have done things I don’t regret and I’m everything but insistent when it comes to most things.” I bite my lip. Scratching the inside of my forearm. My nails digging into my flesh. He looks at me with a look that I can’t understand. His eyes soft yet his lower face features are strong and rigid. His jaw is tens and the muscles close to his ear is showing clearly. Tempting my hand to leave my side to run my fingers over it. His eyebrows are slightly drawn together but not in a pity way, more of a concern way.

“I want to know those things.” He says. His voice is low, like he’s whispering. I look at my fingers that are now fiddling with the sting on my sweatpants.

“I don’t think you do.” I say and look up at him, not meeting his eyes. I avoid them as they could turn my world into dust and ash on the spot.

“Then why would I say so?” He challenges with a smirk on his face. His fingers lace through mine and he nudges my head with his so our forehead touch. “Tell me.” I don’t want to. I think it for the best to tell him but, I really don’t want to.

“I started doing heroin seven months after my sister’s death. I met Ash and I bought my stuff from him. He was a nice guy and helped me if I had no money. He would sell me the dose for less then to others because I would usually stop to talk to him and he had heard about my sister and all. One night I had been away for the weekend, with a ‘friend’ of mine. And he started to ask me to inject myself. I never did that I only sniffed, being too much of a cowered and afraid of needles. So my friend took all of my drugs and injected it into himself. He was a big guy and his body coped with it all just fine. But mine did not cope with no drugs for so long. I had no money and nothing, so I went to the place I usually bought my stuff, and found Ash. I asked him if he did any trading and he said no. I asked him to walk me home. He, being the nice guy he is did so and at my house I tried to get him to sleep with me to give me the drugs but he got mad at me for letting myself go so far.” I look at Drakes face. His eyes are fixated on me. “He said he wouldn’t sell me anymore and he went to my parent’s bedroom. He told them that I was addicted and the next morning he had told every dealer in town that I was a crazy thief and I a rat. My parents got me help. The sent me to rehab.” I take a deep breathe. “After that things got a tiny bit better. I got back to school, met Tally and Tiff and then started hanging more with Sam. I got more tattoos and more tattoos that meant something.” I look up at him and he nods. “See, I’m a mess.” I laugh and he smiles.

“So am I.” He replies and leans closer to me, backing me up against the wall. My hand shoot to the back of his neck and lace through his hair. I take a sharp inhale when his lips brush mine. One of his hands is on my hip, the other on the wall. He looks me in the eyes and I can feel his breathing on my face. When his lips crash down on mine I smile, a genuine smile. His hands rake over my hips my sides and slide down to my thighs before he lifts me up and my legs wrap around his hips. He pushes me against the wall and I feel like laughing. As bad as it sounds I want to lay on the floor and laugh. I smile and I feel him smile back.

“You are so messed up.” He says and I just laugh before kissing his lips again.

“I know.” I tell him before letting him put me back down on the ground. "But, aren't we all kind of messed up in some bizzared way?" I comment and smile.