The Queen

Chapter 3

It's the afternoon of the next day, currently 6:20 PM. The sun is slowly going down, missing about a couple of minutes before it says goodbye. I currently have a drink in my hand, whisky with an ice cube to be specific, facing the window admiring the view.

The sky's blue tone gradually changes because of the sun's position, making the clouds change colors. At a distance, you can see the mountain's shadow, the highlighted green of the grass, and the wildflowers moving freely with the wind.

I wonder what it would feel like to be a flower. Being someone everyone loves and admires. Soft, delicate, full of life, can't harm a soul. But me, I'm selfish, unworthy, no life inside of me, a coward.

I drink some more of my whiskey, loving the burning sensation when it goes down my throat. I could've saved them, I just know that I could've. But you see, I hate that word: could have. 

Past tense. No going back.

This reminds me of the times where I gave myself to alcohol as a coping mechanism. I started around the age of 18. This is my third glass and I'm starting to feel lightheaded. Back when I was 19, I could drink ten more and still feel the same. An obvious hyperbole.

I stand up and pour myself some more and grab the control remote to turn the music on. When I moved to my office, I ordered some stereo and soundproofed the room to blast music whenever I wanted.

I play Elephant by Tame Impala. Great song, great band. 

Already loving the guitar and battery sound, I move with the music, taking my shoes and jacket off, realising my hair from the low ponytail I had.

I should do this more. I feel like a flower. Free and untouchable. Able to do whatever I want.

I gulp down the entire glass and set it down, quite harshly, on my desk.

I move my hands, feeling the temperature getting hotter and hotter until there's flowing fire right in front of me. 

To my eyes, fire is so beautiful. It has different shades of colors and flames. It's bold, vivid, bright. Three different words with similar meanings.

To me, fire is life. Something that could've kept my parents alive if I would have used it. A life that I can't get back.

But to others, fire could be death, destruction, and a catastrophe.

I move and dance with the music as the fire flowed around me, wanting to hug me, comfort me. But I don't let it like I never let anyone.

I wonder who would I be if they were here, maybe alive and dancing with me. I know my father would be dancing and my mother admiring us from the couch. She was into classical or Latin music, her origins. However, I got both of my parent's tastes.

The song gets to a guitar riff, and I let my body loose. The fire is increasing by the second but I don't worry too much. I subconsciously control the fire, being careful with the things around me.

The song slowly comes to an end and Bohemian Rhapsody comes up.

I tense up as all the memories around this song rush to me. The way we would sing this on road trips, karaoke, on the way to our dad and daughter date nights.

My fingers start moving like I'm playing the piano with me singing along. Remembering my mother's laugh when my father would act out the song, an invisible mic in his hands while making funny expressions.

Tears begin to fill my eyes.

He portrayed himself to be a serious King, a man who never joked around. But with us, he would let his mask free, showing us all the possible ways he could make us laugh.

To others, they were King and Queen, but to me, they were my best friend. A part of me.

'Mama, oh I don't wanna die, but sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all.'

No-uh, no crying today.

I turn off the music and start walking towards the bathroom in the hallways. My hair is probably a bird's nest after all that dancing and jumping.

Fortunately, when I opened the door the only people in the hallways were Maya, Owen, and other guards. 

Maya and Owen were my main "bodyguards". They both had a muscular build and calculating face but there was a clear height difference. Maya was a small girl, around 5'3, but boy did she kick some ass. Owen, on the other hand, was around Levi's height, but two inches smaller.

"Hey guys," I said rapidly, not wanting to cause surprise due to my interaction, but obviously it went the opposite way. Owen's eyes became slightly bigger while Maya's just stared at me, tensed up. She thought I wouldn't notice but she tapped Owen with her elbow and bowed "Your Majesty". Owen followed quickly.

Welp, I tried to do casual. I guess it's not the day. But, at the same time, that's how they're supposed to treat me, right? Or should I tell them to treat me casually? I wonder what's for dinner. Maybe pasta? Or tacos? Why do I have a headache?

Right, I'm drunk.

Shit, I'm drunk!

Levi is going to kill me.

Me = dead.

Me = hungry.

I quickly go to the bathroom and do my thing. I even wash my face with some cold water to see if I can sober up faster, but no, still the same.

Luckily, or unfortunately, you could say, I trained myself to act sober when I was not. This was because right when I started drinking, I was passed down the Queen position, which was a big thing. 

So yes, the majority of my early ruling, I was drunk or tipsy. It was that or being depressed and lifeless 24/7. But now that I think about it, I was the same, probably with more spice as Levi would say.

Talking about Levi, I am a dead woman walking if he knows that I'm drunk.

I straighten up my clothes and direct myself to my office. I'm not going to lie, I almost tumbled a bit because of my sleepy feet. The guards funnily looked at me but I threw them a scowl and they tensed up in an instant.

Maybe if I focus on signing more papers, I can sober up faster. 

I want pasta for dinner.

Hey everyone! What's your favorite song at the moment?

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- love, lulu.