"Carpe Diem... that's seize the day." DEAD POETS SOCIETY PREFERENCES/IMAGINES

"They both felt those sparks." :NEIL/MEEKS REQUEST:

Author's Note: For @annehildegardis   THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING! Hope you like it <3

"Aaanne, oh anne." Neil sang her voice through a song, as he swooped around by her side and ran his hand through her hair. She blushed and looked down at her glossy shoes, her hair now crowding her eyes. He sat down beside her and put his head on her shoulder. Her heart melted into a warm bowl of soup
"Hello, Mr. Perry." She cooed, finally feeling the blush in her cheeks defuse and leave her body. She closed her book and enjoyed the silence that was occurring between her and Neil. All that could be heard was the humming of birds songs and the echoing of their breathing.

Meeks watched them from across the grass. They weren't dating. They shouldn't be dating. They can't be dating. Anne and Neil? Never. It was supposed to be Meeks and Anne, Anne and Meeks. She couldn't choose him over Meeks. Neil was a wonderful man with an endearing soul but Anne wasn't his girl, his lover, his anything.

Anne was giggling at a few comments Neil had made to her as she looked up. There he was. Meeks.

The night before, Anne and Meeks had stayed up all night long. They shared three glasses of coffee with a dash of milk and splash of whiskey. The two passed it back and forth as they talked about the pressure they both faced.

Meeks and her were both geniuses. From the womb, they were incredibly smart and meant for great things. No one but each other understood the horror and trauma being smart could cause a human. Everyone went to them. Having family issues? Go to Meeks and Anne. Having school troubles? Go to Meeks and Anne. Having trouble focusing? Go to Meeks and Anne. The two had their own problems and their own work to do. Other people made it hard to focus and decipher through their own issues. But Meeks and Anne were both too naive to complain to anyone but one another. Complaining about being smart? That doesn't sound too good in retrospect.

Meeks and Anne always had that spark. Always shared something special. Meeks had never felt so alive when he was with her on those nights. She just got it. She got everything. She got him.

They both felt those sparks.

But Anne also felt them with someone else.

Neil Perry.

Neil and Anne both enjoyed attending local plays and ballets. The two would spend their days talking in Shakespeare playwrights and acting overtly and funnily dramatic to make each other laugh. When Anne was with Neil, she felt herself escape from the present reality. The reality that crushed and horrified her because it never seemed to give her a break.

Her and Anne had their own life in their own fantasy life. They were queens and kings and they lived in big castles and rules big cities. They weren't high school kids stuck in a boarding school that killed them anytime it could. When they were in each other's prescience, they made their own life together.

Anne loved and cared for the way Meeks and Neil both made her feel.

Meeks understood her current reality and wanted to help her through it.

But Neil helped her escape that current reality and find a place that she was born to run free.

Anne saw Meeks across the grass. Meeks saw that Anne saw him. So he stormed away. His face was red and he was not even trying to control his aggressive breathing. Anne felt her heart become solid again but then sink to her stomach. She felt ill.

"Hey Neil- I have to go. I'll catch up with you later okay?" She said as she stood. Neil was taken aback by the way she looked. Her face flushed to a pale color and she was the same shade as lined paper.
"Woah- let me walk you. You really don't look too good, Anne." Anne didn't argue. She didn't feel too good. She took Neil's arm and told him where to guide her. By the way she was navigating him, he knew they were going to Pitts and Meeks room. Neil knew about Meeks and Anne's little fling thing. He didn't think it was anything too serious though. Not anything Meeks should be possessive of.

Anne had gotten some of her color back as she knocked on Meeks door. "I'll wait for you outside, okay?" Neil whispered to her. She just nodded. She didn't even try to make Neil go away. She felt really bad and was scared that something would go wrong. If something did go wrong, she wanted Neil there with her. Neil would help her. Neil would save her once again.

The door opened and Meeks stormed away from it as Anne made her way inside. She closed the door behind her and stood against it. Meeks rose to his feet from his bed and decided he'd be the first to speak.

"You can't keep doing this. You can't tell me about how hard your life is, make me feel comfortable with you, then turn around and start loving on Neil. You can't do that." He said very forcefully. Anne knew it was bad and that it was wrong. But she couldn't pick. She loved them both so much and she knew that if she chose one over the other, she'd lose someone. She couldn't hurt them and hurt herself like that.
"I'm trying to stop but... I love you guys both so much and-" She was cut off by Meeks walking closer to her and getting in her face. She began crying. Silently, tears streamed down her face and down her neck, making her makeup a bit messier. She felt herself grow smaller as Meeks got closer and somewhat towered over her.
"You can't cry. Stop it. You hurt me, got it?" He said, his teeth gritting. She nodded and wiped her tears. She pushed herself firmly against the wall, as firmly as she could, wanting distance from Meeks. She didn't like listening to how fast he was breathing.
"I love you." She said, her voice cracking three times.
"No you don't- you can't! If you loved me EVEN A LITTLE BIT, you would've chose me. Not Neil. You would already be my girl!" He shouted at her. She knew he was right. But she didn't want him to think he was unloved. She did love him. Just maybe not in the way she thought. Maybe he didn't love her either. If he loved her like he said he did, he wouldn't be shouting and scolding her. She's just confused and lost. She's not trying to hurt him.
"I know- I'm sorry." Meeks scoffed.
"Just stop." He walked away and sat on his bed.
"Steven, I'm sorry." She said sincerely, feeling her confidence rise up again. She wanted Meeks to know she was sorry. She'd say it till he accepted it and he liked it.
"Stop, Anne." He said, almost warning her. She put her hands on his shaking fists and stoked her thumbs against them. She felt the tension slowly disperse, but it still lingered.
"Steven, I'm sorry." She said again. Meeks pushed her hands off his and stood up. He got so close to her that she fell backward, collapsing on Pitts bed. She covered her head and curled up in a ball, preparing for the worst.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, ANNE!" He screamed. That's all he did. That's all he did was scream.She thought he would hit her or something even worse. He didn't though. He would never. But the fear of being hit and the ache she now felt in her heart, made her cry again. She buried her eyes in her bicep and stayed in her ball. Meeks saw. And in that moment, he didn't care. He just wanted her to stop crying.
"STOP FUCKING CRYING, OH MY-" He kept shouting it at her. She only cried harder. She wanted someone to save her. She knew she wouldn't be able to leave herself. And that's when he bursted in, saving her from her current reality again.

"MEEKS, ENOUGH!" Neil screamed, making Meeks even more mad. Meeks strutted right up to Neil, and pushed him. Neil wanted to strike back, but it was better he didn't. He just took the shove. Meeks stormed out of his own room afterward. Where he was going, no one knew.

Anne was still curled up and hiding. Neil picked her up and pulled her to his chest. She buried her eyes in his shirts right breast pocket. He carried her out of there. He brought her to his room, and sat down. She didn't budge from his arms.

She cried herself to sleep in his arms. When he noticed she was out like a light, he adjusted her in his bed. She cuddled against his pillow, held his blankets tightly, and continued to have her head on his chest. He stroked her arm and hair, feeling nothing but remorse. She lost her best friend, her potential first love, all because of him. He couldn't stand the scent, sight, or feeling of himself.

She woke up at three in the morning to find Neil fighting to stay awake, his tired eyes on her. She liked the feeling of his finger tips tracing figure eights on her arm. She picked up her hand and cupped his cheek, rubbing his firm cheekbones. He cuddled into her touch.

"Did you love him?" He asked her. She thought back in her mind. All the drinks, memories, feelings the two had shared. Did she love Meeks?
"Not in the way he wanted me to. And not as much as I love you." She confessed, not wanting to be lost in her feelings anymore. Neil pulled her close and put her head back in his chest. She sighed out the tension from her muscles and put her arm around his waist. He kissed her messy bed hair and then tilted her face up. Their lips interlocked and their bodies laid closer.
"I love you. He won't hurt you again." Neil told her in whole hearted honestly, and going back to trace circles on her back.