The Cards You've Hidden, Been Dealt & are on the Table

Chapter Eighteen-Lucas

Hey guys please read the authors note at the bottom.

The song for the chapter is kinda unrelated but I've discovered it since the last update and I really love it and relate to it so I suggest you give it a listen. "Toxic Thoughts" by Faith Marie

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I'm sitting here writing in my journal with the noises of the shower bringing me comfort knowing that the noise is representative of Lil being in there. No one can live the life we have and come out unscathed both mentally and physically. For Lils she has panic attacks easily, she's shy and other things as well. Myself, well I have my own triggers and problems. One of which is coming into play right now, one of which we share, a separation anxiety of sorts I guess. Nothing good ever happened when we were apart, who am I kidding it even happened when we were together-but most of the time the bastard separated us in some way-and we've only ever had and cared about each other. She gets me through the dark times with the love she gives me. We are there for each other no matter what.

When Ronald would separate us to punish Lil, he would usually leave me in some sort of dark room or tied up somewhere. Sometimes I would receive a beating or a good hit before the separation. I would be locked in a small space, in the dark in pain listening to him cause my sister pain and unable to do anything about it. Lil was a vast majority of the time his prime focus. Which makes sense given the background information our brothers gave us; that Lily was the intended target and I was merely a nuisance and a bonus rolled into one. One more annoying baby that they didn't want to take care of but was needed in order to sate my sister, but also, one more way to hurt our birth father.And as much as I hate myself for saying this I am glad that Lil was there with me because I have always had her in my life and she is so selfless and caring even when I only had a punch or two and she just received a whole beating she would be more concerned over me than herself. On the occasion that the roles were reversed and I was the target boy did her mother hen, sister instincts kick in. She knew what triggered me and how to help. She actively tried to make things better and lighten the load. We share each other's burdens. We never had the light at the end of the tunnel knowing that Ronald would probably never let us get away. But who needs the light at the end of the tunnel when you have that forever burning torch that provides all the light you need, provides you warmth, helps you on your way, never burns out and makes you feel secure.

With the promise of pain and hurt around every corner I think it is only natural that we can't stand to be too far away from each other at times. Especially since the other is the only person or thing that has been a positive constant in our lives.

In our old school, they had a procedure where twins had to share all the same classes. So besides when we were forced apart by him we were always together. Which is how it should be.

A knock on the door snaps me out of my thoughts and causes me to jump and for my pen to jolt. Checking the page, I am thankful to see it didn't leave an unwanted mark on the pure, clean lined white writing canvas. I take a breath to calm myself and slowly rise from my sitting position while trying to relax from what was a jolting sound in my mind after being lost in my thoughts. Walking with my legs slowly becoming more steady as I progress I reach the door and place a steadying hand on the knob. With another intake of breath I feel calm and I focus my hearing to notice the shower is still running-Lil is still there and safe, I still have someone-ready to face the knocker I twist the knob and open the door feeling much more at ease.

On the other side of the door I am greeted by Clarice, who is holding a small pile of clothes. "Hi Lucas, I come bearing clothes for Lily."

I knew the chance of it being someone unfriendly on the other side of this door was slim to none but that doesn't stop my worrisome mind from getting anxious over the possibilities after a minor jolt like that. Although, seeing the warm and caring smiling face of Clarice makes those thoughts and feelings almost completely evaporate, almost.