Mean Bands (Bandom version of Mean Girls)

The Breakup

On my next quiz in Mr. Armstrong's class, I put all the wrong answers down. "Patrick, you don't usually fail your assigments," Mr. Armstrong says. "You need to get your grade up."

"I can tutor you sometime," Elisa says. "You free after school today?" "Sure," I reply. Now I'll be able to spend time with her.

At four o' clock after school, Elisa comes to my house. She says, "So, you need help with identifying different forms of classical music. I'm going to play a track, and you'll guess it. Is that good?" "Totally," I smile.

Elisa tutors me for about an hour, and we make small talk about different parts of school when suddenly it slips out. "Elisa?" I ask. "Why do you like Andy?"

"He's really sweet, even though he seems kind of like a jerk sometimes," Elisa blushes. "I love how loyal he is to me. No matter what, he never does anything behind my back. It's so adorable."

Oh, no. I feel like I should let her know. But... what if she gets upset about Andy? I stare at Elisa for a moment, and somehow blurt out. "Andy's cheating on you with Alaina Zieman!"

The next day, I go over to Andy's house to hang out with him and the Plastics, but when he answers the door, he's in tears.

"I can't believe Elisa just dumped me like that! I gave her everything! I was half a vegan when I met her!" he sobs.

Brendon sympathetically pats his shoulder, asking, "What did she say to you?" "She was really mad," Andy says between sobs. "She said that some girl in her glee club told her I was cheating on her."

"You should get your mind off it," Gerard says. "Do you wanna go get coffee together?"

Andy's face reddens with anger, and he yells, "No, Gerard, I can't get a coffee with you because I'm on an ALL VEGAN diet! God, Gerard, you're so stupid!"

He marches out of the room in tears, sobbing, "Nobody understands me!" Brendon chases after him, leaving me alone with Gerard.

"Don't listen to him. You aren't stupid, Gerard," I tell my friend. Gerard just pouts, "I am, actually. I'm failing everything."

"Surely you're good at something. Don't you have any special talents?" I ask.

"I can drink six cups of coffee in less than a minute!" Gerard exclaims. "Also... it's kind of weird, but I have a fifth sense. It's like ESPN or something. You see, I'm kind of psychic because my eyeliner can tell when it's going to rain."

Andy comes back inside with Brendon. "I want to lose some weight to get over Elisa," he says. "Does anyone know of some good diet plans? Vegan hasn't helped me much."

"Oh," I smirk. "I have an idea..."