snapchat 2.0 | han jisung ✓

45

jisung tapped his pen against his notebook, words staring back at him. haunting him. out of all the things he had wrote, this was the most personal thing he had ever written.

how can i let go of this feeling as if nothing happened. tears sprung to his eyes and a light vibrating brought him out of his thoughts. he grabbed his phone and saw that chan was calling him.

he hesitated on answering, not in the mood to talk to anyone. quickly wiping his eyes, he tapped the answer button. "yeah?"

"hey. where you at? we've been texting you in the group chat," chan said.

"yeah, sorry. i haven't really been in a texting mood," jisung replied. "i'm at the studio."

"ah," chan got quiet. "you doing okay?" no, jisung thought. but he knew chan was already worried about him, so he didn't say that.

"yeah. just working on some stuff. trying to keep distracted," jisung replied.

"okay. you know we're all here for you, yeah?" jisung hated that he could feel the sympathy in chan's tone.

"yeah, i know," jisung said. "i'll be home soon."

"okay. be careful." jisung said goodbye and hung up. his lock screen appeared and his lip trembled. he still hadn't changed his screen. it was still him and ashton. she was smiling that shy smile of hers, the one that drove him insane and made his heart flutter.

he couldn't bring himself to change it. there was just so much he couldn't do just yet. he couldn't delete the pictures and the videos off his phone. or their messages.

the ring ashton gave him was still sitting on his finger. he couldn't stand the thought of taking it off. that would mean that it's really over and he hadn't come to terms with that yet.

the boys had all been giving him space since he told them he and ashton broke up. but he also noticed the way they looked at him. and he hated it. it was as if they were walking on egg shells, not wanting to say or look at him the wrong way.

he knew they just cared about him. but he was okay. at least he thought so.

he had spent the last few weeks distancing himself from everyone and everything. if he wasn't in the studio, working on new music, he was cooped up in his room. there were days he barely ate and days he binged.

he missed ashton like crazy. missing her when they were together was one thing. but missing her when they were apart was a different type of pain.

he knew he fucked things up for them. he had come to terms with that. he regretted how he treated her, with all the jealousy and fighting. he hated the way he yelled at her when they broke up but he knew apologizing now wouldn't do anything. it wouldn't fix everything else.

it felt like his world stopped. his heart was shattered and he didn't even know where to begin with picking up the pieces.

but maybe ashton was right. maybe it was for the best. even when it hurt so much right now. even when he loved her more than he could ever love herself.

jisung picked up his phone and hesitated. he shook his head at himself. there was no point. he sighed and started packing up his things.

messaging ashton now wouldn't make her come back. if anything, it would only hurt her more. and jisung didn't want to hurt her anymore. that was the last thing he wanted.

jisung turned the light off and left the small studio. then he walked down the long hallway and made his way out of the building. then he headed home.

•••

ashton laid curled up in her bed, a big blanket wrapped around her. she was watching a movie, not wanting to slip into the void the silence brought.

it had been three weeks since she broke up with jisung. she spent that time sleeping when she didn't have to work. she didn't have much of an appetite but she still remembered to eat something before the day was over with.

she wondered how jisung was doing. she wanted to message him. but she figured it wasn't worth it. he was probably hurting and her messaging him would only make it worse.

she missed him so much. she avoided getting on social media as much as she could, not wanting to see him on her feed. it would only make her miss him more.

it felt like someone had punched a hole through her chest and just ripped her heart from the seams. she knew it was her decision for them to break up, so was it even right for her to be feeling like this?

she wasn't expecting it to hurt this much. she had had her heart broken before, but it didn't hurt this much.

it was getting easier as days passed. but at the same time, it was growing harder for her to stop herself from going back to him. but she knew this is what was best. for the both of them.

she knew they'd eventually have to be on good terms so it wasn't awkward. after all, elisia was still with minho.

ashton sighed softly and shoved the blanket off of her. she stood from the bed and walked out of her room. walking into the bathroom, she flicked the light on and looked at herself in the mirror.

she would get through this. she would be okay. she knew she would. it would just take some time.

her mind wandered back to jisung. she hated that she kept thinking about him. but she couldn't help it. she loved him. and that's exactly why she let him go.

•••
END