Never let me go - cate blanchett x rooney mara

sweet dreams

Rooney pov:

It's been a few months now, we wrapped Carol, Cate and me grew so close, we even were in a realationship. I loved her so dearly, she was my everything.

I was snuggled next to Cate, bare skin touching and each others arms around us. We have been together these last nights, we longed for each other every minute we were separated. I decided to not get up yet, just enjoy the time I didn't had to worry, but someway my thoughts from yesterday appeared on my mind again. How would we continue to do this? Behind everyones backs, lying to our families? I wanted this to work, I really did, but there was just so much concern. The thought of leaving her made my heart go icy, it felt like my blood was freezing in my veins and I got goosebumps all over my body. I pulled Cate tightly to me, strengthening my grip around her, putting my head down on her chest calmly listening to her heartbeat which was sending a quiet melody through my flesh.

I guess I must've waked her because a calm, deep voice was heard all of the sudden.

"Hey sweetheart, is everything fine?"

And I felt bad for having to ruin this moment, these last months, yea maybe even our relationship. But I couldn't live with knowing I lie to myself and all the other people in my life.
It was the choice between us, or me.
Be selfish, or care about her.
Being with the love of my life, or being alone forever.

"No Cate, if I'm gonna be honest, it's not fine. I can't live a lie anymore... this, this is right but the way we handle is wrong. We should be open about it, not hiding it from others."

"Oh..." She pushed her body up from the sheets, looking at me.

"Don't understand me wrong this is right, I feel it in my bones that this is-"

"No it's not." She said it with such bitterness in her voice, it scared me. She was never like that, I teared up, I was shocked at her distance towards me, and somehow she was too.

"THIS is not right, this is terribly wrong, so wrong" She got up, collecting her clothes from the ground where we left them last night.

"What?" My voice cracked, I was seriously trying to hold back the sobs, but her terrifying and fierce change of emotions caught me off guard.

"Cate, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about us, like you wanted me to. And you... you are wrong. This isn't right in any way. You are not in love with me belive me... you're just thinking you are. You're so young, you don't understand what it's like to be in love, you can't possibly know. " She was going on and on about all these things, how I didn't know what love is. It made me kind of furious, how could she talk about me that way? She didn't know my insides, I did.

" What are you talking about? I love you so much, more than anything else. "

"ALRIGHT, PROVE WHAT IT'S LIKE. "

She wanted me to talk about my feelings, she really did. I had no problem with it, I will show her what I feel. I got up from bed, put on my silk robe and stood before her.

"You wanna know what I feel like? I feel like every single time you touch me, all my sorrow is gone. I miss your touch when you are directly next to me, I long for it. When you kiss me, I feel like fireworks explode inside me, spraying serotonin through  my whole body. Every goddess I think of looks like you. You are my everything. Whenever you talk to me I blush, DON'T YOU SEE IT?!
YOU ARE MY LOVE, MY ONLY LOVE !!!!
When I loose you I will never be together with someone else again.

Don't leave me. "

She was now just standing there before me looking in my eyes, searching and seeking in them if what I just said was true, if these were my real feelings. She came up to me with her slightly messy hair, not even properly clothed when she put her hands on my shoulders and squeezed them slightly, until she finally hugged me. I didn't know what was going on, the sudden change of emotions all the time.

I felt a storm of tears streaming down my cheeks, falling on her shoulder's skin since she had no top on yet.

"Don't cry."

But I couldn't help it, this all at once and made me feel like shit. The crying got harder and I wasn't able to stop it, tears turned into sobs so cate decided to pull back, pick me up and carry me back to the bed where she sat down with me. She put me so I was sitting sideways on her lap, my arms around her neck, crying out on her shoulder. The pain and sorrow going through my body, leaving it empty, like I wasn't even human. That feeling was horrible, I didn't even know if it's a feeling because I just felt nothing but then I felt so much.
Cate's hand carefully stroked over my spine and ribs when she wrapped the other one around me too and pulled me to her body ever so tightly.

"I am divorcing Andrew."

She said that without any emotion in her voice. I lifted my head up to look at her.

"What?"

"I'm divorcing Andrew."

~~~

Okay i will post more regularly from now on, i'm sorry besties i was on vacation :/
I haven't been doing that good lately so idk if i can keep that promise but i will at least try yey
love y'all how are you? If no one told you yet, UR AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU <3

eat something btw <333