Ineffably Yours

Homo Concarno Ex Machina

Author's note: Welp, here's my sucky resolution to the conflict! Enjoy!

"So," continued Crowley, standing up and reading from his notes, "I think we've got roughly 90% of the vampires, 96% of the witches and 56% of the werewolves on board, although I had to make some pretty steep promises to the werewolves, given, erm, certain mistakes that transpired--"

Lord Beelzebub raised an eyebrow. "Yesz, and who'szzzz mistakes were thoszzzzze again, Crowley?"

The red-haired demon gulped. "Well, it's difficult to pinpoint exactly who was at--"

"Crowley!"

"Might've been mine," he mumbled, eyes downcast. Hastur and Ligur snickered.

Jenna shot them a dirty look, then raised her hand and added, "The North American clan leader did forgive him for introducing silver to humanity, as did most of the Asian delegation, so the promises only apply to four continental tribes."

The Lord of the Flies looked impassively at Jenna, who squirmed, coughed and lowered her hand, which Crowley grabbed protectively. Beelzebub blinked, then sighed and told Crowley, "Fine. Juszzt get on with it, we've got a lot more to cover today."

"Yes, Your Infernal Lowness," Crowley nodded, squeezing Jenna's hand in gratitude before releasing it to peruse his notes more easily. "Um.....not much else, 'cept the Wendigos are still considering our proposal, as are the banshees. Pretty much all the specters I spoke to declined, said they'd rather Insa just destroy them finally, but I might've convinced a few fairly powerful ones over at the Winchester House. I'll get back to you on that."

"Do that," Beelzebub nodded curtly, then turned to Vega. "Who'szzz next?"

As the queen of Purgatory and the Hellish prince congregated, Crowley sat down and Jenna rubbed his back lightly. "You did great, honey," she whispered.

The demon blushed. "Thanks, love. You didn't hafta do that, y'know."

"Nobody puts Crowley in a corner," Jenna pouted, pecking his cheek. He chuckled quietly and kissed her back just as Vega stood up.

"Alright, I think that's everyone, so I'll go now," she announced, tucking some stray red hair behind her left ear. "The Celesternal Rights Society is growing increasingly adept at the Tutula Charm, and hopefully we'll be ready to practice enveloping Africa next week."

Jenna squirmed and looked down guiltily. She had missed four meetings in as many days due to her OCD. Vega was more than understanding of course, and in fact insisted she take at least a full week off, but Jenna felt far too ashamed of her perceived laziness and weakness to indulge the queen's advice. At least I'm going back tomorrow, she thought. I just hope I haven't fallen too far behind--

Suddenly, Hecate appeared in a flash of grey smoke, long black hair disheveled and emerald eyes wild, panting and clutching a slip of paper.

"Hecate!" Vega exclaimed, placing a hand on her ample chest. "To what do we owe--"

"It's gone!" the high priestess gasped, holding up the paper and smiling triumphantly. "Insa, it's gone!!!! I just got word from our intergalactic agents, and the fucker's disappeared!"

Beelzebub stood up, frowning, and walked briskly over to zir ally. "What do you mean, 'dizzzappeared?' Devouring entitiezzz cannot zimply--"

"Read it." Hecate thrust the paper into the prince's hand, then stepped back and smiled as her colleague complied.

"Oh my Szzzzzatan...." muttered Beelzebub, grinning gleefully. "It's true! But, how--he renounczzed hizz parentage, for Luczzzzifer's szake!"

Jenna glanced in confusion at Crowley, but he was too busy gaping at Aziraphale, who was mirroring the gesture, to notice.

"Can't believe we didn't think of that before!" the demon hissed, eyes glowing brightly.

"Think of what?" Jenna asked, frowning now. "What's going--"

"The former Antichrist," Hecate explained, smiling with the brilliance of the sun. "Apparently, Adam Young, who yes did reject Satan, but not the powers he gave him, dreamed of every Devouring Entity vanishing. And it worked!!!!"

Jenna's jaw hit the floor, as did everyone else's in the room. She couldn't believe it--this was too good to be true!

"Hang on," Beelzebub held up a hand, frowning again. "I thought Szzatan only gave the little bazztard control over our reality. Our dimension. How could he influence other univerzzez, then?"

Hecate shrugged. "Don't know! All I know is every other dimension with whom we have contact is reporting zero DEs, for the first time in forever!!!!!"

Everyone in the room, even Hastur and Ligur, cheered and began expressing their immense relief. Aziraphale removed his superfluous spectacles and buried his face in his hands, muttering, "Oh thank you dear Lord." Crowley hugged Jenna tightly, laughing and sobbing into her thick hair. Jenna melted into his warm embrace and relaxed more than she had probably ever.

"I told you telling him was a good idea," the demon whispered playfully after ten minutes of this jubilation. Jenna giggled and kissed the tip of his nose. "Yes you did, my darling serpent," she crooned, blue eyes full of love.