Beating Heart// Lashton

Chapter 1

Oh, oh, stick it down your throat

I'm watching from the bathroom

Making sure I don't choke, choke

From the words you spoke

When you're screaming at the mirror

Now you're sitting in the cafeteria

Shoving clementines and orange bacteria

Down your throat a dozen times a year, yeah

For another 'round of your bulimia

-Orange Juice By Melanie Martinez

Ashton's POV

I was laying on the floor of the school bathroom. Why? Well, because Nia made me eat a slice of pizza at lunch, which was absolutely dreadful by the way, and I needed to get rid of it. I didn't pass out from purging, don't worry. I think my body must just be used to this by now, considering I started these behaviors years and years ago. Although, the reason for my position isn't much better than passing out. I'm on the floor because while I was throwing up, the wonderful Jack Hemmings happened to be in the stall next to me, and I guess he wasn't too happy about what he heard. It's not that he wanted me to stop, don't get that twisted. 

When I finished emptying the contents of my stomach, I knew I had to leave the stall, and I also knew he was waiting for me. I tried to ignore him and just wash my hands all the way up to the elbow as there were traces of my act, however, this did not work well. I still had suds on my wrists when I felt him pull on the back of my flannel with such force that I fell against the stall. I didn't have the energy for this, so I just slid to the floor, knowing that was where I was destined to be anyhow. 

"You're a fucking freak!" Then he spat on me. He walked towards the bathroom door, but before he left, he turned around and said, "And you're still fat, no matter how many times you make yourself sick." The door slammed behind him.

Well that was fucking fantastic, way to kick me while I'm down. I could get up off the disgusting bathroom floor and go to Physics, but crying here seemed oddly appealing.

"I hate my life," I mumbled to myself as I slid into a laying position. And that's where you found me.

You may think this is pitiful, and that today is just a bad day. Although I admire your optimism, every single day is a bad day, and usually even worse than today.

~~~ 2 Years Ago ~~~

I was freaking the fuck out. I was behind the school during lunch because I ate my entire packed lunch for once, for God-knows-why, and when I saw the empty containers, it hit me. I immediately ran out of the cafeteria to the back of the school. I was walking in circles while I pulled out at least half of my hair. I knew there was only one thing to do in order to right the wrong...

I had my fingers down my throat and three-fourths of what was in my stomach on the asphalt below me when I heard someone say, "That's fucking disgusting."

For literally anyone else I would have stopped and made up some excuse, but I knew who this was. It was Louis Tomlinson, a Junior, and my number one enemy. I also knew that no matter what I did, I would not be leaving unscathed. 

"I mean, Ash, do you really think that's going to change the fact that you're fat as fuck?"

I was done by now, so I wiped my mouth and looked up to seem him leaning against the brick wall with a lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"You want one?" He asked in an almost genuine tone. I just glared. "Ya know, a fag for a fag," he laughed as he exhaled the smoke.

"I'm going to class," I said as I stood up straight, stepped over the puddle of vomit, and tried to walk past him towards the door back into the school, but he just pushed me down into my own puke. 

"Ya know, I should really quit," he said, and I was lost as to why he was saying this. He knelt down, avoiding the puke just enough but still super close to me, and put the cigarrete out on my exposed wrist. I writhed in pain, but determined not to give him the satisfaction of screaming. He dropped it beside me, into the vomit. 

"Fucking disgusting," he muttered as he stood up and walked away. 

~~~

Well I guess the brightside to this is that I'm not sitting in a pile of my own puke this time. Things honestly got better once Louis graduated, but by no means were they great.