Beating Heart// Lashton

Chapter 19

Give me back my oxygen mask

Cause I don't want to feel the walls of my heart collapse

So put me under

I would sooner die on this table

Than face what causes me to be so unstable

There was a lie between my demons and me

And a body made of paper in the passenger seat

As I open my eyes, I could not see

I felt the stitches come loose and the blood run free

And as my thoughts began to shake

I felt the hand of the darkness kiss my face

And then the devil woke up and he grabbed my throat

He pulled me down to the place where the silence grows

He looks at me with hollow eyes

And he whispered my name as the flowers died

I felt my heart go cold as I sank between

The ocean I am and the river I'm meant to be

I'm meant to be

-The Art of Anesthesia By SayWeCanFly

Ashton's POV

I opened my eyes to see an unfamiliar and plain ceiling.

Where was I? 

I tried to move but my body hurt so bad.

I looked down and saw that I was wearing a gown and my wrists were wrapped in thick bandages.

I'm in the hospital.

I tried to kill myself.

And I'm not dead.

I don't know how to feel.

I could hear my heart beating on the monitor. 

Just then a doctor in a white coat walked in.

"Ashton? How are you doing?" He asked with a quiet voice as if not to spook me.

"Not great considering I tried to kill myself," I said in brutal honesty, I didn't care if I came off as rude. I didn't want to be here.

"What all do you remember?" He asked as he closed the door behind him and walked closer to my bedside.

"I remember I was cutting myself and I guess I just went a little too deep," I answered. 

"Did you intend to kill yourself?"

"I don't know," I honestly didn't. 

"Why were you hurting yourself?"

I looked back at the ceiling. I honestly don't know.

"I don't remember."

He wrote down some notes on his clippboard. "Psych will come by and talk to you in a little, for now I want to do a physical evaluation, see how you're doing after surgery-"

"Surgery?" I asked. I didn't know I had surgery.

"Yes, you were very close to death. We had to do a lot of sutures and a blood transfusion. You were in surgery for a a few hours, and we almost lost you several times."