Love is a Death Trap (First in the Series)

~ 9 ~

Dear Mom,

William hasn't bothered me since my little outburst. Thankfully. He's putting so much stress on me; I'm starting to miss the times where I didn't know him. I have to admit though... I am slightly attracted to him. I won't dare tell anyone else... but I have to admit it to myself. I don't think I'm incapable of loving, I think I'm just too much of a coward to try. I don't want to be a coward though. I want to be happy; my mind is just too toxic to let me. I decided to call the one person I know will understand.

"Hey Rhea," I said once she picked up. My voice sounded scratchy even to myself.

"Something wrong? You sound like you're crying," Rhea asked.

"No kidding," I said with a forced laugh. She didn't laugh back.

"Anny, something's wrong. Why did you call me?" she asked quietly. I felt my lower lip tremble, and all of the sudden I couldn't handle it anymore. I burst into tears, crumbling onto my bed.

"So-some-someone's-s i-in lo-love wi-with-with me-e-e," I choked out between sobs. She sighed sadly.

"And you're sad?" she asked in exasperation.

"Yes! It t-terrifies me!" I screamed, sobbing even harder.

"Anny, calm down," she said. "It's not the end of the world. Tell me why you're scared." I took a deep breath and tried to talk normally.

"I'm afraid th-that if he loves me, I'll start t-to love him back," I stuttered, a few tears leaking onto my cheeks.

"Anne-Marcie, it's been two years. Why don't you just try to be in love again?" she suggested gently. I took a shuddering breath in and then out again.

"Maybe you're right," I replied hoarsely. I wiped my cheek. I'm tired of feeling weak. "Fine. If I find myself feeling attracted to him, or any other guy, I'll try. Fine," I said reluctantly. She squealed.

"FINALLY! Anne-Marcie, thank you. It hurt to see you so alone," she said, sounding relieved. I muttered something I didn't even know and hung up. But, when I got off the phone, I found that I wasn't crying anymore. I was smiling. It felt as if a weight had been lifted, though it was replaced by a huge clump of nervous butterflies. I inhaled through my nose and hopped off of the bed. I went straight to my closet.

Wish me luck,

Anne-Marcie May