Underneath the clouds

XXII

Her feelings were self-evaluated, and something that she didn't like displeased her, and made her incredibly angry. Kimberly felt as if she was walking on eggshells around her angry cousin. It was like tiptoeing around a ticking time bomb, the only thing was. Kimberly had no clue when she would explode, the countdown was invisible. Jolin was turning into a sociopath, her eyes always seemed calm, but the flicker of hate told otherwise.
About three days after the funeral, Jolin felt she had to leave, go on a walk. With no more tears left to give, she walked through the neighborhood. Her destination seemed to change, and soon she found herself walking without aim, just a clear head wandering around in the streets.
Soon she found herself on her street and wandering to her burnt-down house. The air was cool, a slight mist, and the deep grey sky darkened her surroundings. The grass was wet, and the air was moist, but she continued to walk, her sweater zipped up to her throat. Setting foot on her old lawn had a bizarre feeling attached to it, and gazing upon her parents' forever grave had a weird sadness in it of its self. Walking the old walkway, and going up to where her door used to be, she gazed at the rubble. Black ashes and burnt wood had collapsed while the firefighters were putting out the flames. Stepping inside the perimeter, her shoes were dipped into the ash, and soon she was walking through what used to be her foyer, then she made her way to the living room where she saw her dad for the last time.
Dad... I've come to-
A shaky breath escaped her lips, as she visualized the couch, and her father sitting there. Nothing came but darkness when she closed her eyes.
Dad, I just came to say... that-
Tears started to form in her eyes, and her throat started to tickle.
That I'm sorry about...
A shaky breath escaped her mouth again, as tears started to slowly fall. Jolin opened her mouth to speak, but slowly closed it as her chest started to tighten, tears starting to come faster.
"I'm so sorry... that," she shakily started to speak. "That I didn't believe you... that I belittled your great dream, and now you can't accomplish it because you're..." she swallowed. "You're gone." Refusing to drop to her knees, she whimpered, silencing her screams. "But... I read your notebooks. Well, the important parts anyway... and... I just wanted to let you know." Jolin stood awkwardly. It was like standing at their grave in the graveyard, but instead, she was standing over the place where her father had been burned and cremated. "I'm going to follow the instructions tonight. I don't know what I'm walking into... and I don't know if you tested it, or if it's lethal. But either way. I'll be happy with the result." Jolin squeezed her hands, pinning them to her chest.
If I die, or I turn into something society will be scared of, I don't care. It'll either prove you right, or I die and join you... it's a win-win.
"I love you, and I miss you, dad..." Jolin sniffed, rubbing away her tears.
She carefully stepped out of her burned-down house, tears still in her eyes, but now her hoodie seemed damp from the mist.
Walking through the darkened streets, she kept her hood up, tears to herself, and anger on a tight leash. The street lamps lit up, telling her that the sun had set over the horizon.
"Thought Aunt Sheryl would call me by now." Taking her phone out of her pocket she saw the missed calls.
"Thirteen missed calls, and five new text messages." Opening her message app, without reading any of the messages, she responded.

I'm okay if you're wondering and I'm coming back.

Quickly making her way through the streets back to her new home, Jolin thought about what she's going to do. Despite not knowing what exactly, she kind of knew. Either way, whatever happens, happens. Happiness seemed so far away, something she couldn't get no matter how long she walked. With these thoughts swirling around in her mind, she turned onto her Aunt's street, walking down and keeping her head down, she kicked the puddles that were still forming in the slight bite of depressions in the sidewalk.
Her heart started to beat in her chest, as nervousness rose into her throat. The night seemed to fall fast, and with every step, the colder and darker the world got. Soon she was at her Aunt's doorstep, opening the door and stepping in. "Jolin there you are! I've been trying to get ahold of you for ages!" Sherilyn put her hands on her hips, her eyes stern. Kimberly peaked around the corner, looking deep into Jolin's unfeeling eyes. "What do you have to say for yourself?!" She let her head hang, breathing in and out until she got the courage to speak up. Looking up to her aunt's eyes, she opened her mouth to speak, only to be stopped by a pain in her stomach. Guilt seemed to flip over her stomach. Instead of saying what she wanted to say, she pushed past her.
Stay on target.
Walking up to the two girls' room, she started to slowly unwind, slipping off her sweater. Pushing open the door, she slid across the floor, eyeing the end of the bed. Dropping her sweater on her bed, she dropped to her knees, reaching out to the safes. Digging the boxes out, she kept taking deep breaths. "We're going to do this..." she rested her hand on the door of the safe. "Nothing can change my mind now."