He hates me NOT

XXIV. Melting point

Beam only cried three times in his whole life and he hadn't shed another tear before he got himself involve with Forth. When Beam was 5 years old, he scraped his own knee trying to climb a mango tree, he wailed when his mother patched him up with betadine. Back in grade school, his arm broke after his taekwondo competition, he cried but at least he won first place. Beam was in his freshman year in high school when his maternal grandma died. During his grandmother's funeral, he tried holding back his tears but tiny sobs still escape from him.

When he saw the writings on the page, he instantly knew who it belongs to. Only Forth owns that ugly scrawl and he can't help but to trace the unmistakable loop at the middle of his "m". Beam wiped the wetness trailing on his cheeks, he had not reacted quickly when the tears suddenly came.

♦

                     [Dear Beam,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   As I sat in front of a paper, thinking what to write, I hadn't realize that 2 hours have already passed. To tell you the truth, I don't know how to express myself to you. Call me a coward but taking a step towards you is the most scariest thing I've ever done in my whole life. People may call me a wild man just because I ride a big bike and I'm not afraid of the speed or because I get into fights and I win them, but what they don't know is that you're the only fight I'm afraid to lose.                                                                                                                                                                                        

I want to put this all in a piece of paper but I can't just put this feelings I have in a word. All I can hear when I think of what I want to say to you is the thudding of my heart. You make me loss all my bravado and with you, I'm just the Forth from the Engineering Department and I don't want it to be just like that. All I'm trying to say is, I want to be something more to you ]         

15

♦

[You never know how much my eyes follows you every time we are in the same room. I  am always chasing after the silhouettes of your presence just to know you were really there. I can't stop myself from being aware of you.]

18

♦

[Sotus has been the most tiring thing I've ever done but with you there, I would do it all over again.]

21

♦

[The first time I saw you, I thought you were the moon of your faculty. I don't know if I am exaggerating this because it was a long time ago but you appeared like you already won the competition. You were the reason why I stayed and attended all those stupid dance practice and I was really planning on not participating the pageant but you were there looking like the best thing that happened in my life, and I'm just a childish 18 year-old at that time.]

22

♦

[When you first wore that white lab coat at the Coating ceremony, you were the most radiant person there. I don't want to steal your mother's right to be proud of you but I was probably the proudest there and maybe I was also the happiest when you decided to take the position as the new head of the Medic Team.  Seeing you work hard for your dream made me realize how tough and strong you are, you are the reason why I am trying so hard just so I can confidently stand next to you.]