Bribed by Styles

Chapter 40 - Don't

Tuesday, March 10th

Louis' POV

"Louis please, I promise you it will get better" Willow told me. Recently she told me a lot of things to reassure me I would be okay.

I was currently sat on the sofa, where I have been rocking back and forth for the past hour.

My elbows are resting on the edge of my knees, with my head in my hands and a finger in each ear attempting to block out the screeching noise coming from my little baby siblings.

This has been going on since my mum died which was 10 days ago and everyday gets harder.

I know my dads trying his best but I'm really beginning to lose it even more than I already was, and the funerals in 4 days and I really don't think I'll be able to cope.

Willow has tried her best to keep me calm, I admitted to her about going to Harvey when I broke down and she deleted his contact from my phone so I haven't been to him since.

She has helped, a lot. So have the boys, mainly Harry. He seems to be here a lot and I really don't know why. He's constantly comforting Willow but I have no energy to even stop him, she needs someone and he's there, more that her brother can be.

Poppy has been round a lot, or I go there. It's nice to get away, as bad as it sounds. I can't cope and I really will lose it soon if I don't get away now and again.

"Louis please listen to me" Willow stated again, pulling me away from my thoughts and back to the world of screams.

"I would but I can't here you" I replied referring to the cries of the babies.

"I'll be right back, don't go anywhere okay?" She asked and I nodded.

I heard footsteps run up the stairs and the twins room door slam open.

Within minutes the cries began to fade but they were still there, a constant sound in the back of my head.

It's messing me up mentally, lack of sleep, bereavement, drugs. I can't take it anymore.

I need to get high, and not as in drug high.

I erased myself from the sofa and headed for the front door, leaving without warning and shutting the door behind me softly.

I began walking in the direction of any tall buildings, buildings with open roofs, building with balconies, just buildings.

I felt like I was in my own world. The amount of stress I was feeling excluded me from everyone and everything around me.

It's like I have a bad case of selective hearing and all I can hear is them fucking babies and every time I hear it, I hear my dad crying in pain that my mum got taken away.

"Fuck" I muttered under my breathe as a car slammed it's brakes just in time.

I noticed I had just walked into the middle of the road without even realising, looks like I have selective sight too.

I finally noticed a tall boring looking building; I'd seen it before, it wasn't far away from home.

I sprinted towards it, immediately opening the doorway, finding the stairs and jogging up them.

My footsteps echoed through the tiny space and the noise bounced off the tiled floors and plain, white painted walls.

My breathing for heavy until I reached the final floor, my destination, the open roof.

I took in a deep breath, taking in my new found surroundings. The air was cold, but it felt refreshing.

Every noise faded away, every care in my body faded.

I sat for a whole in the cobbled floored roof top, thinking about how much your life can change within a matter of 24 hours.

I mean that one day, the 28th of February, my mum was replaced by two little angels and although I'm ridiculously happy about Hattie and Seth, it doesn't change the fact that this is a crazy situation to adjust too.

I couldn't help myself but I had to look over the edge, I wanted to see the view, what the people looked like down there.

It was weird, different, pretty.

The temptation to jump got bugger when my thoughts trailed off about my mum.

I mean I'd get to see her again; she needs one of us.

I want to hold her one last time, tell her I love her, tell her I'm proud, that she's the best mum it could have ever asked for, that I'm thankful for the opportunities she opened me up to. One more chance, I just want to talk to her once more.

"No Louis don't" I got pulled away from my tempting suicidal thoughts when Willows voice echoed through my head.

"Please don't Louis please, not you as well I can't deal with it. Please, think of our family Louis. I need you, you're my brother Louis please" She begged. I could hear her choke on her words every now and again. I assumed she was crying because I didn't take my eyes off of the view beneath me.

My feet edged closer to the edge and a stone dropped off due to my slight movement.

"Lou" She practically whispered.

"Lpuos please come on. You have things to live for. A career, you have a great career ahead of you Louis, I mean you have a football club and you're in One Direction. Come on please, think of Poppy, your girlfriend; how would you feel if she did this Lou? What about dad huh? He's just lost mum, he can't loose his first born son. And talking of mum think of her." And at the mention of my mum, I really started listening properly.

"She'll be looking down on you, she'll kick herself for this. This isn't what she wants Louis, she'll blame herself and so will I, and dad. And them beautiful baby twin siblings of ours" She said and I finally took a step back from the edge.

I practically felt the huge sigh of relief that just escaped Willow's body.

"Who's with them?" I asked, still not even turning to face her.

"Harry" She said and I could practically feel the smile that arose on her face.

"That's kind of him"

"I told him you'd gone and he'd do anything for you Louis, you're like his brother" She said holding her hand out and ushering me to take it.

I accepted and we began to slowly walk back to the door.

I took in the surroundings one last time before reentering the small space with the tiled floor and white walls.

I began to come back to reality, and I have my sister to thank for that. Without her rescuing mw, if probably be laying on the road right now.

"Don't you mean he'd do anything for you?" I said carrying on with the last conversation. "And how brotherly of him to sleep with my sister behind my back" I joked.

"W-what?" She stuttered still holding onto my arm tightly.

"I'm joking, Christ you act like it's true" I said letting out a small laugh. "If I found out you were doing that I'd kill him"

"Come on, let's get you home" She replied, changing the conversation completely.

I understand why, I mean if be upset if you were forbidden to see someone you really like. I just can't change my opinion on it.

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SO SORRY FOR THE SLOW UPDATE OMG DONT KILL ME

also, as usual, if any of you have been through a situation to do with suicide, whether you had thoughts about it yourself or it was someone close to you, as always, I'm here if you need anyone to talk to!

I don't know if I ever asked who's your favourite from One Direction, so who is??

Thanks for reading, love ya xxxxx