It's Complicated

Eighteen

Ashwin stared at Vihaan for a moment, then scoffed.

"Nee Sivaangi maara irruka da. Avalum ipdi thaan filter illama yosikaratha keturuva."

He paused.

"Do I have a problem with you guys hanging out? Apdi solla mudiyathu, but I am really protective over her. Avaluku onnuna ennaku thangathu. Ava konjum childish, naive ah irrupa. Neriya peru avloda sweetness, innocence advantage eduthupanga. Na thaan avala pathukunum, guide panni kamikanum. Ennoda Sivaangi la, it's my responsibility to protect her.

"Ennoda Sivaangi ah? What do you mean bro?"

Ashwin looked over to see Sivaangi playing around in the water. Her radiant blush, sparkling eyes, messy hair. She leant down to splash some water, her top lifting to expose her cream coloured waist as she laughed. What a vision.

Vihaan chuckled, bringing him out of his trance.

"Bro, onnum solla vendam. Unga kannala ellathuyum pesitinga."

Ashwin sighed.

"Inga paaru da, I can explain my basic protectiveness of her to you. But anything more even I am scared of talking about."

"Why bro? If you think something you should openly say it, or do it. Then only you will feel better."

"Vihaan, what's your age?"

"25."

"25. When I was your age, my entire life changed. I had spent all my years as an obedient child, growing up pampered in a wealthy family. Then one day I realized I had done nothing in life with passion, nothing of note. That's when I ran off to auditions and open calls for actors. I had no background, no acting experience, no real support besides people telling me I looked smart. It was all off a blind impulse, some unshakable adrenaline."

He looked to the distance wistfully.

"I made a lot of mistakes, lots of impulsive decisions. I was clueless and got hurt because of it time and time again. I can't even keep count of how many people broke my trust, or humiliated me mercilessly. I saw my father break down in embarrassment of me and my mother cry endlessly with anguish. I saw the worst sides of humanity, the dark depths of the industry. It changed me as a person, forced me to put my walls up and broke my optimism. After a while my dream had faded, and I accepted my fate as a nobody. I only continued to not be a bad example, rather than any eager pursuit of my original goal."

"Why I'm saying this is because at that age, I thought the world was my oyster and that everything would click together rosily. Instead I struggled for seven years. Would I do it again, would I relive it? I'm not sure. It worked out for me, but it easily could have gone the other way. I'm 32 now. I think a thousand times before anything I do, no matter how small it is. It's impossible for me to be carefree and unworried. I've seen too much. Sivaangi, she's the opposite. She always sees the bright side of things, follows whatever she feels. If she does have feelings towards me, it's similar to how I felt about becoming a hero. Just thoughts based on emotions that can easily flip and make you doubt your whole life."

He took a deep breath.

"Whether I like her or not, whether she likes me or not. We just are not at the same place in life. Right now I dream about settling down, getting married and starting a family. That's what I yearn for. She dreams about handsome men in movies and going out to eat with friends. She is so young, she has so much to accomplish and experience. It would be wrong for anyone to force constraints on her. At her age her feelings toward me may seem like forever, but I don't want her to get hurt the way I did. I don't want her to live any day in regret, she should always be happy."

Vihaan nodded, taking in the intense revelations.

"Na onnu ketten, aana neenga ten mark answer kuddithinga. I can't believe all that you've been through anna. You are such a strong person, you deserve all your success. I understand why you're so cautious, but I will say one thing. That girl really cares for you. She's always saying Ashwin, Ashwin, Ashwin or avaru this avaru that. I know it may sound silly, but she is so motherly around you, like you're a kid. Whenever I hang out with you guys, I feel like a complete third wheel, you two just go into your own dream world. It's endearing to see people so at peace together, you can't help but picture something more for them."

Ashwin saw genuinity in his response, and decided to let his heart say what it wanted.

"My fiancée and I are on a break. It's due to a lot of reasons but Sivaangi is one of them. Kavya doesn't understand my relationship with her, and neither do I to be frank. She doesn't fit into any labels. There's moments when she erases all my worries and makes me feel like a teenager again. It's an addicting feeling, but it's not reality. I can't ever casually involve myself with a girl unless I see a solid future."

"Things with Kavya are not great right now, and I don't have that natural understanding or ease I have with Sivaangi. But but she's someone ready for marriage and it's responsibilities. And my family adore her. I'm too old to seek their approval on these things, but I've never really done anything they've wished. It feels nice for a change. I know it may not be the greatest love story told but it makes sense."

Vihaan smiled.

"You say that, but the things that make the most sense are usually right in front of us. It just depends on when we are ready to accept it."

Sivangi finally exited the water and ran towards where they two sat talking.

"Intha rock ah parrunga! It's so smooth!"

They examined the rock until she plopped down on the sandy floor, leaning against a beach chair.

"Yennatha pathi pesiturinthinga?"

Ashwin smirked, quickly coming up with a reply.

"Unna entha mental hospital la sekkula nu discussion pochu."

She reached up to smack him, earning a yelp from his supposed pain.

"Pinna? Ma, ipdi thaniya water la vilayandu sirricha yenna sollunvanga?"

"That's called having fun Ashwiney. You should try it sometime."

For someone who was so tightly wound up and wracked with past trauma, Ashwin was a complete different person with her. One could visibly see the load on his shoulders lighten. Vihaan chuckled in his head, watching them squabble. Third wheel status had returned.

Hopefully a lot of insight into Ashwin's complex thinking 😅 What will happen next? What will happen during Ashwin and Kavya's break 🤔

Please comment your thoughts and feedback! :)