It's Complicated

Thirty

"Don't you feel so much better?" asked Ajay as Ashwin rubbed his freshly wet hair with a towel.

Ashwin shrugged, dropping down onto the couch.

Ajay had forced Ashwin to shower in attempt to get rid of the depressive aura that surrounded him.

"Okay PS set up panni FIFA potturuken, do you want to be Barcelona or Paris Saint Germain?"

Ashwin leant back against the sofa.

"Avalukku Paris na romba pudikkum."

Ajay frowned.

"Yaaaruku?"

Ashwin eyes began to well up, and Ajay groaned.

"Seri, seri vidu. Strong ah irru."

"Illa macha, ennala mudiyala. Ava thaan ella situation leyum ennoda strength ah irrupa... ippo en strength enna vittu poiduchu."

He sniffed.

"After our serial ended I locked myself in my room for a week because I thought I'd lose touch with everyone, most importantly her. Athuve accept panna mudiyala, ithu eppadi? Five long, terrible months without her da. And the last words she said just tore into my heart, nenachu nenachu thookam varavai mattinguthu."

"Apdi enna sonna?"

"She said we would never ever work out. That she couldn't be my wife or in my league. Apparently, that's what I have taught her. That she's not enough."

Ashwin paused.

"Na nenuchu kooda pakkala, ipdi react pannuvanu. Eppadi da ava apdi think pandra? Really pains to think she must have held that much in. Ethukku ellamai ipdi poganum?"

"Vera eppadi poga mudiyum?"

Ashwin frowned.

"Puriyala."

"The whole world could tell that girl was head over heels for you. Nee mattum enna, avala oru princess maari pathukute. Nanga ellarum kandukatha maari ponnom. Life long ah yaarumai well-wishers nu peruku solli vera maari pazhaga mudiyathu da."

Ashwin looked out through his living room window.

"Well wishers ku thavura vera yena solliruka mudiyum. Friendship illa. Romance um illa. Nadula sikkina maari thaan irrunthom. Konjam konjam ah than clear achu, but by then it was too late. Sathiyama en mela avlo deep love vachurintha nu theriyala. Ippo ukanthu thavikuren."

He groaned.

"Na mattum teetotaler ah illa, by now oru full shelf whiskey gaali panirupen."

Ajay raised his eyebrows.

"The great holy Ashwin Kumar eh sarakka adikka thonura level ku kondu vanthurukala? Yaaru saamy iva?"

Ashwin swallowed.

"Antha ponnu illana Ashwin illa. That's the simple truth."

He took a shaky breath.

"Ennaku yaarumai illathu pothu oru devaithai, ennoda devathai maari en life kula vantha. She's the reason I succeeded and got the lead role on that serial, ennaku avlo hype kuduppa. She made me forget my failures and doubts... she was the bandage on all my wounds. Without my own awareness I began to crave her support, I needed her by my side in everything."

"Not just work, but oru paiyana ennoda life ah beautiful akkuna. She enjoys every little thing, she cherishes it. I learned how to live life only because of her."

"And that's not all. Avala maari oru beauty irruka mudiyuma? Those eyes, lips, cheeks. Paatha paathitai irrukalam. Apdiye strawberry cake maari irrupa-"