It's Complicated

Twenty Nine

5 months later, august 2023

As an old comedy movie played on her laptop screen, Sivaangi's eyes gazed out her bedroom window. Her attention was far away, drifted to the subject that constantly clouded her mind.

She was painfully aware of every day, hour and minute that passed by without his presence.

Somehow she had stuck firm to her word and avoided all contact with him. She muted his social media, put away the gifts he'd gotten her and even blocked his number. But it was far from easy. Their last tearful conversation played on repeat in her head, the way his eyes pleaded and cried out to her.

For the first time in her life she had walked away from those eyes.

Sivaangi had gone about her life like usual, working and hanging out with friends. But everything seemed so empty. She wondered how she lived before meeting him, how meaningless it was.

Ashwin was one of the very very few people who had known her inside and out. She was deceivingly cheery and affectionate to everyone, but kept her darker, thorny side closed off. When others babied her and treated her like a doll, he wasn't afraid to reprimand and lecture her. He validated as a woman. She was a better person because of him, more clear in thought and nature.

Yet, she had to get away. She couldn't handle seeing him with another girl, she couldn't be a third wheel in his life. She had kept telling herself it was fine, that she could contain her emotions and feelings. But seeing them cut that cake together broke her. Ashwin and Kavya were meant to be, and there was no room for her.

His confession. Sivaangi struggled to make sense of his confession. It was more than she ever dreamed, a clear cut admission and expression of only wanting her. But where would they go from there? How many messy knots were there to untie?

At the end of they day, there were too many mountains to climb for them to be together. She was already so tired, too tired of running after him. And she knew what he wanted in life, and she didn't think she could be that perfect wife for him. But Kavya could.

Sivaangi had kept their split a secret, in order to avoid any drama. Strangely no one had said much about him, even their mutual friends. She presumed he was busy with work as always.

With a sigh she got up to rummage through her dresser, looking for something to wear to her family dinner tonight.

Spotting one particular dress, she smiled sadly.

Lifting it, she ran her fingers across the purple and green floral fabric.

She had only worn that dress one day in her life.

Flashback- November 2020

Sivaangi skipped through the halls between the dressing rooms, her eyes searching for one special room. She smiled brightly when she saw his name tag. Ashwin, a common name, had suddenly become so poetic and interesting to her.

Seeing the door was slightly open, she slowly pushed it to look inside.

Ashwin was sitting with a phone in lap, airpods on while munching on a sandwich. His expression was serious (like it always seemed to be) and the room was silent.

She titled her head taking him in.

"Enna pakkuringa?"

His head stayed down, focused on his phone. No response.

She crept closer, and tapped on his arm.

He looked up with a startle, then removed one AirPod.