It's Complicated

Thirty Two

The secluded temple was quiet, only the hum of a few visitors and chirping birds filling up the serene setting.

Sivaangi sat on the stone stairway winding down to the temple pond, knees drawn to her chest. She wore a red and black chudithar, vibuthi, thin string of jasmine flowers and a worn expression on her face.

Binni walked up behind her, taking in her daughter's melancholy state. The last few months were unkind to her, she was sure of that. But the last week had been even stranger and it was impossible to decipher why.

She handed Sivaangi the banana leaf wrapped prasadam, which she took solemnly.

"Sivu, ippo soldriya?"

Sivaangi swallowed a mouthful of sweet pongal, lightly frowning.

"Ennatha soldriya?"

"Why you asked to come to the temple multiple times this week. Veetla daily pooja, prayers. Nee la eppo ma ipdi irrunthuruka? Munnadi la thara thara nu illuthutu vantha thaan unna temple la paaka mudiyum. Ennachu?"

Binni sat next to her, and caressed her hair with concern.

Sivaangi sighed.

"Ashwin..."

"Oh Ashwin okay thaana, he's back home from the hospital right? Fever pocha Sivu?"

Sivaangi swallowed.

"Fever la illa. I made that up."

She paused.

"He passed out, his body broke down after months of not eating or sleeping well. He's been depressed and anxious. He hasn't been working. He doesn't even leave his room most days. And all this... it's all because of me."

Binni blinked.

"Because of you?"

Sivaangi nodded.

"Because of me," she repeated stiffly.

Her lip began to quiver, and Binni pulled her into a hug, arms tight around her protectively. Sivaangi felt thick tears fill her eyes.

"Enna Sivu azhura?" Binni said softly as she wiped her face.

"Avara paaka mudiyala ma, romba romba kashtama irrunthuchu. Nenaichalai alugaiya varuthu."

"Achoo. Aana apdi enna nee panna? How could him being sick possibly be your fault?"

Sivaangi sniffed.

"Soldren. Ellam soldren."

She recounted the past events of the complex relationship to her mother, from his broken engagement to their bitter parting of ways.

After hearing all the details Binni was at a loss for words, shocked to say the least. Ashwin was always so mature, so levelheaded, so put together.

Sure, she had wondered now and then if he ever took Sivaangi's playful flirting and fun to heart. However it seemed logical that he was just being a good friend and support to her. For him to be this madly in love, and this emotionally torn up... she didn't expect it from him.

"He told you he loved you at his engagement party?"

"Yes."

"And in reply you told him you didn't want to see him again?"

"...yes. But you have to understand why I said that-"

"Of course I understand Sivu. It's just I never ever dreamt of this happening."

Sivaangi sighed.

"Neither did I. At first chumma etho crush, one sided feeling nu nenachu otiturinthen. But there were all these little moments between us that turned into something big. So big that it tore apart whatever understanding we had."