The Contract Marriage [ Completed ]

Chapter 14 : It Hurts Like Hell

I promised myself before that I'll never cry again and let anyone hurt me using their words. I thought I was strong enough. Since I was a child, I've encountered so many troubles and hardship but I passed all of it.

I told myself that I'm strong and pretty on my own way. That's why sometimes, I'm too confident and arrogant. I became a sharp-tounged young lady but still respects old peoples. Yes, I'm a complete bitch sometimes. But I'm also confident that I'm respecting everyone who's older than me.

All my life, I didn't care about peoples thoughts and I always ignore what they were saying against me. Even if they were throwing me hurtful words, I managed to ignore them. But now, it's totally different.

I couldn't even ignore what she said. It's freaking echoing in my mind. Those words that she says, hurts like hell. This is the first time, I felt so hurt in my entire life.

"What do you mean, Jeniva? H-How did you know about the Contract?" tita Joy broke the silence.

Auntie Jeniva smirked. "I always have my ways, Joy. And to be frank, ayoko sa ugali ng anak niyo Mr. and Mrs. Gomez. Masyado raw iyang bastos at walang galang. I even heard the she humiliated, Mrs. San Juan. And she hurt my dear Threa on the public."

Napayuko ako. Gusto kong sumagot at ipagtanggol ang sarili ko. Gusto kong sagot-sagotin din siya tulad ng ginawa ko kay Mrs. San Juan. Gusto kong magwala. Pero blangko na ang isip ko at isa lamang ang gusto kong gawin. Gusto ko ng umalis dito.

"Auntie Jeniva," Neil tried to stop his Auntie but he can't. Ramdam na ramdam ko. Ayaw na ayaw sa akin ng Auntie niya. She even look at me with disgust as if I'm just a low class woman. Iyan ang mga bagay na kinaiinisan ko dati. Ayoko sa lahat nang mababa ang tingin sa akin lalo pa't hindi naman nila ako kilala. I always used my mouth and brain to shut them up pero ngayon ay para bang nawalan ako ng lakas na magsalita.

"Ang mga ugaling ganyan ay hindi nababagay sa pamilya natin, Joy." ani Auntie Jeniva. Gusto sanang magsalita ni mommy but daddy stop her. Alam kong galit na din si mommy dahil harap-harapang nilait at pinagsabihan ng kung ano-ano ang anak niyang maldita. "Look at Threa. She's a sophisticated woman. She got a great attitude. Much better than her attitude. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit sa lahat ng babae ay iyan pa ang pinakasalan mo Eithan. Why didn't you marry Threa instead of her?"

I closed my eyes and clenched my fist tightly. I can feel that my whole body was shaking.

No, Darlene. You have to calm down. Don't make her hate you even more.

My eyes watered and I gasped. Shit, I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry.

Hindi ako umimik. Nanatili akong nakayuko habang harap-harapan niya akong iniinsulto at pinagsasabihan ng kung ano-ano. I can even feel that Threa is enjoying what's happening. And fuck this. Pakiramdam ko ang hina-hina ko that I couldn't even defend myself. Na wala siyang karapatang sabihin ang mga iyon dahil hindi niya naman ako kilala. Pero wala. Hindi ko kaya.

Neil's presence makes me stop from my plan. His presence keeps me silent. Na para bang pinipigilan ako nito kahit gustong-gusto ko ng sumagot. But I just can't. And I freaking hate it.

"Ugaling squater ka. You don't deserve to be one of our family. You will just disgrace and embarassed us because of your bitchy attitude."

And that's it. I couldn't take it anymore. Tumayo ako at nagtatakbo palabas. Narinig ko pang tinawag nila ang pangalan ko pero hindi ako lumingon. Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit. Mas masakit pa sa nangyari sa akin noon. Pakiramdam ko sobrang hina ko ngayon.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagtakbo kahit wala ako sa direksiyon. I gasped two times to prevent my tears from falling but I failed. Napahikbi ako habang unti-unting tumitigil ang mga paa ko sa pagtakbo. Napaupo ako sa gilid ng kalsada at humagulhol sa mga tuhod ko. I'm strong right? But I guess I'm wrong. I'm still weak, just how weak I am when I was just a kid.

I keep sobbing. I didn't mind the peoples stares at me. I let them see how miserable and weak I am. I freaking want to shout. I want to shout my anger and pain. Gusto kong ilabas lahat pero hindi ko na magawa dahil sa patuloy na pag-iyak.

Wala na akong pakialam sa paligid. Basta ang gusto ko ay umiyak lang nang umiyak. Hindi na rin ako umaasang susundan ako ni Neil dahil alam kong hindi niya kayang iwan ang pamilya niya para sundan lang ako. Tulad nga ng sinabi ni Auntie Jeniva niya ay fake lang naman ang kasal namin so that means hindi niya na kailangang magpanggap. Pwede niya ng ipakita lahat ng pagka-inis at pagka-ayaw niya sa akin. I don't even know kung bakit ko 'to naiisip pero alam kong totoo naman na ayaw sa akin ni Neil. And I freaking hate it 'cause it hurts like hell.

"D-Darlene..." Natigil ako sa paghikbi nang marinig ang boses ng taong gusto kong huling makakita kung gaano ako nasasaktan ngayon. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ko siyang nakatayo sa harapan ko. He's looking at me with pity in his eyes.

Damn it! I hate that look in his eyes! It makes me want to pity myself more!

"Stop looking at me like that! I... I don't need your sympathy! I know, I'm weak at 'wag mo nang iparamdam pa iyon sa akin lalo!" garalgal ang boses ko nang isigaw ko iyon. He squatted and tried to hold my arm but I avoided his hands.

"Darlene..." he sound like pleading but I just glare at him with my teary eyes. "Leave me alone! Bakit ka ba nandito?! Bumalik ka na doon, tutal nandoon na ang future wife mo!"

Pinagtabuyan ko siya pero imbes na umalis ay niyakap niya lang ako at ako namang si cry baby ay mas lalong naiyak. I hate this! Lagi niya na lang akong nakikitang umiyak. Una nung nakipagsagutan ako kay Mrs. San Juan. Tapos ngayon...

"Sssshh. Don't mind what Auntie said. Forget about it. And you're my wife, Darlene. My only wife. Sabihin na nating peke lang pero asawa pa rin kita dahil may pinirmahan tayo 'di ba?" mahina niyang sambit. I don't know why but my hands seems like they have their own lives and quickly hugged him back. Kahit papaano ay gumagaan na rin ang pakiramdam ko.

And forgive me, because my stupid heart keeps on beating so loud and I'm afraid that he might heard it. His words are so calming that makes me wanna believe everything that he will say. Pansin ko lang na lagi akong kumakalma agad sa tuwing ginagawa niya ito sa akin. He hugs me and comfort me and then on the next day, back to normal na naman ang lahat.

Is this the reason why my heart keeps on beating fast whenever he's near me? Is it because he's like my comforter? But no matter how hard he try to comfort me right now, it will not be easy. My heart is aching because of those words that her Auntie throwed to me. It fucking hurts like hell.