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Dear Aspen,
There are two types of death. Some people, the lucky ones, die all at once. They die when they die. Then there's those who die everyday. A little bit. They die and they die and they are dead. You died and you were gone. Because, without you i'm lost and dying a little bit every day.
Because without you I am a dead man walking.
Sirius Black
LILY EVANS
They haven't moved. Any of them. Since those words left Remus's mouth, they haven't moved an inch. It's been hours. Murdered. The word echoed through my brain as I stared at the sheet covering her body. Dumbledore and McGonagall are talking to Madam Pomfrey and I don't know what to do. My best friend is dead. Our best friend is dead. Aspen is dead. Dead. The boys are just sitting there. Sirius is sitting in a chair next to her cot and I can see the silent tears streaming down his face. James is sitting with his face buried in his hands, Peter's leg is bouncing up and down and Remus is just staring at a wall. I feel empty. I feel like all the sunlight has gone and it will never be back. The light in the world left with her.
"I'm very sorry children but you have to go now. You have to go back to your dorms." McGonagall said. Sirius looked at her and shook his head. "No." he said quietly. "Sirius dear, I know you're upset but-" she started. "He said no. We aren't leaving." Remus snapped. "I understand how you feel but you-" she began. "No! You don't know! You have no idea how we are feeling. You have a thousand other students. I had Aspen. And now she's dead. So don't tell me you understand because you don't." Remus shouted. McGonagall sighed and nodded. "I apologize. I know how much Ms. Bleu meant to all of you." she said quietly. Sirius looked up at her and wiped his eyes. "I can't leave her. Please just let me stay with her. Please." he whispered. "I'm sorry but I can't. Madam Pomfrey has to take care of her. You need to go back and get some rest." she said. "Please don't make us leave her," James said. His voice cracked and more tears filled his eyes. I took his hands and kissed him. Then I walked over and knelt down next to Sirius. I lifted his chin to face me and wiped his tears. Then I placed my hand on his hand, the one on the cot. "It's time. You have to let go." I said softly. He shook his head. "I can't." he whispered. "It's not her. It's not Aspen anymore." I said. I looked at James and Remus and Peter. "She stopped being Aspen the second her heart stopped beating." I said. Then I pulled Sirius up and he walked with me. I grabbed James's hand and we started to leave. We got to the end of the hall and James stopped. He turned around to face Dumbledore, McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey. "Don't tell her mum. Ok?" he said. "I'm sorry?" Dumbledore said. "Beatrice deserves to find out in person. Not in a letter. She deserves better than that. Let us tell her, ok?" he said. "Are you sure you can handle that? You don't have to-" McGonagall started. "We'll tell her. Just give us a day and we'll tell her." Remus said. They nodded. Then we left.
SIRIUS BLACK
We walked together, completely silent. I felt an ache in my chest. A physical pain. My heart was actually broken. I walked faster, speeding up until I heard James. "Sirius, wait!" he shouted. I kept walking. "Sirius, stop!" Remus yelled. "Sirius!" James yelled. "Sirius! Where are you going?" Lily called after me. I couldn't breathe. The pain was overwhelming. Memories of her flashed through my head. I couldn't get it to stop. I kept seeing her smiling and laughing and then I would blink and it changed. I saw her laying on the floor. I saw the blood and her dull, lifeless, empty eyes. I couldn't breathe, I can't breathe, it's too much. I ran faster, ignoring my friends. I ran all the way through the castle and outside. I got to the edge of the Black Lake. There was nowhere to go. I heard the footsteps of my friends coming towards me. I can't breathe.
I just screamed.
LILY EVANS
I don't know what happened but Sirius took off. He ran through the castle and we chased him. We ran after him, calling his name. But he didn't stop. We ran and ran and didn't stop until we got outside. He stood at the edge of the Black Lake, panting and heaving. We stopped a few feet behind him, I was unsure of what to do. Nobody moved, nobody took a breath. I just watched him. All of the sudden, he screamed. He dropped to his knees and screamed. The most heart wrenching scream I've ever heard. He screamed and screamed until he couldn't. Then he just cried. Sobs wracked his body and he pounded his fists into the grass. I slowly approached him and James grabbed my wrist. He looked at me with concern but I just nodded and he let go. I walked over to Sirius and knelt down next to him. I pulled him into my arms and he struggled at first. "Let me go! Let- let me go!" he cried. "Shhhh, just breathe. Just breathe." I whispered. "No! No! I want her back. I want her back. I didn't say it. I never said it to her." he cried. "Sirius-" I started. "I'm so fucking stupid. I loved her. I loved her and I was too fucking stupid to tell her." he sobbed. Remus walked over and sat next to him. "She knew," he said calmly. Sirius looked at him and Remus just stared straight ahead. "Aspen knew and that was enough for her. " he said.
