The Seat We Sit On (HFS #1)

seat #17

“But one question, why did you choose to isolate yourself from everyone? If you don't mind me asking.”

That's my cue! I throw a sharp glance at him but he just quirks his lips up.

“Don't you have a clue?” I snapped.

He licked his lower lip before facing me. “Of course, I have. I just want to clarify because . . .” he trailed off.

I heavily sigh and look at him. I bit my lips, thinking if I should just tell him. Would he understand? Looking back, we both had fault. Nakakatakot lang mag-justify ng saloobin sa kaniya kung wala naman talagang ibang problema kung hindi ako lang – ako at ang mga nasa isipan ko. I automatically register into my mind that no one would understand so it's better to be a mere silence, insignificant around the waves of noise.

But despite the convincing I do, I always end up doing the opposite. So here I am, inhaling sharply to say something as he patiently looks at me, like he's waiting and expecting for me to do so.

“Siguro mas komportable lang talaga akong mag-isa. Alam mo na, when puberty hits, changes also occur. But you know what, they've been throwing me fake pity — that I wasn't confident enough to socialize and gain friends.”

See? If it wasn't obvious enough, I don't have friends. What I mean for friends is, you know, those friends that I can openly call my friends. But there's no one willing to be.

Bumalik ang tingin niya sa harap namin. “I beg to disagree,” he mumbled.

“Bakit?”

“For you are more confident than those who tell you the opposite. You've been eating alone in the cafeteria. You can manage to go to the comfort room without any acquaintance. You've been walking alone on your way back home. Aren't you brave enough to handle those times of isolation in the daily basis?”

My chest suddenly leaps so I smooth down my skirt for a diversion. Besides, my palms are sweating again. The corners of his eyes crinkle as he gives me a lopsided smile. Muli niyang ibinalik ang tingin sa harap, gayundin ako. The words he says...It's just overwhelming to hear these from him.

I sigh. “I never thought about that, honestly.”

We chuckle in unison as we continue walking along this narrow street. I really don't like the atmosphere between us turns into silence so I tried asking him a random thought-provoking question I had searched in the internet last time.

“Anong . . . favorite color mo?” tanong ko. Shuta! Wala na bang mas lame?

His mouth went agape. Akmang sasagutin na niya nang napaigtad ako dahil bigla niyang hinila ang aking pulso. Kasabay noon ay ang pagdaan ng rumaragasang tricicyle.

The swift air that slaps my face adds tense to my nervous being. I glance at my wrist being held by him. And when I trace his grip on mine, my lips go agape for his knuckles turn white, the veins on his hand are popping in frustration, and he's gripping my wrist tightly. I could've been hit!

“Thanks.”

“Be careful next time.”

I nod. Never did I know it would lead to deafening silence again. Siguro kaya walang nagtatagal kausapin ako kasi ganito ako. I couldn't carry a light atmosphere that would give an enjoyable conversation.

While walking down the street towards the unknown destination, I gawk at him under my eyelashes, tracing his side profile. His nose is not that high but it suits him well. His lips, the upper part is thin while the lower one is plump. But there's really one thing that drawn me from the very beginning — his eyes. The lids are shaped as if they're from the hawk's; not narrow nor chinky, not that wide either. Not to mention the color of his irises. They remind me of a sweet coffee and caramel it makes me want to read and stare at them all the day.