My obsession with Rafe Vega : Teen Fiction

Chapter 5

My mom and I sometimes hung out together on a Sunday morning. Sometimes we'd do breakfast at one of the al fresco cafes. It was past ten in the morning, I was still in bed, way past the time I normally sprung out of bed. But today was the morning after the night before. The night I angrily threw away my innocence and with a guy I did not love. How could I have been so reckless? I hate myself for throwing away my virtue. I don't ever want to see Jamie again. He should have said no. He should not have taken, what I should not have so freely offered. Surely Jamie knew he had no right to take my virginity, I was meant for__for.

Oh Rafe, what have I done?

I was so foolish and now, it can't be undone.

I hope I'm not going to fall pregnant. I know Jamie used protection, but I've heard of condom malfunctions. Oh what am I going to do? I covered my palms over my face and sobbed my heart out for my carelessness and my loss. If Rafe finds out, he will hate me so much more.

I dragged myself out of bed and hit the shower. I thought I'd feel different after you know__, but I felt normal on the outside. I'm a woman at seventeen, no longer an innocent girl, would you believe. The stark reality hit me, when I was in the shower last night, the feint trace of blood on my inner thigh had undone me. I slid to the shower floor, and sobbed and stayed there, until the water ran cold. I don't think I slept a wink last night, Rafe's scathing words about me being a virgin replayed in my mind like a scratched CD.

I hated being a virgin, and now I hate myself for throwing away my virginity. Oh I feel so lost and confused. I wish I could just talk to somebody, but I have no intention of telling anybody about what happened last night, especially not April. I'm not ready yet to make stupid confessions. It just feels too personal to talk about right now.

I jumped back into bed after showering. I dragged my hair brush absently through my wet hair, my mind, my thoughts still on Rafe. If only he was not so damn attractive. If only I did not get lost, when I gazed into his sexy eyes. He was absolutely gorgeous, he filled out beautifully, more than any of the guys in school. When Rafe was dressed in street clothes, he looked much older. A soft knock on my door, brought me back to Sunday morning reality.

'Come in,' I spoke, suspecting it to be mom.

'Morning honey,' mom smiled, 'you're still in bed?'

I nodded, feeling too choked to speak, as mom handed me a glass of chilled fresh orange juice.

'I don't have a hangover___ I did not drink any alcohol,' I murmured.

Mom's eyes stayed on my face for too long, 'you okay Katy?'

'Yes__no,' I sobbed, the fruit juice was in danger of spilling over my bed.

'What's wrong honey?' Mom relieved me of the glass.

I flung my arms around mom's neck, and cried hysterically.

'Let it out, just let it out sweetheart,' Mom patted my back gently.

'Oh mom, I'm so ashamed__I hate myself,' I shrieked.

'Tell me what happened Katy. Why are you so upset?'

'Mom, I__ I had sex with Jamie last night,' my hysterical sobbing grew louder.

Mom went still.  She visibly gasped. She was quiet for so long, my hysteria calmed itself. I leaned back, so I could look into mom's face. She was as white as a sheet. Mom was not angry or disappointed, but I did not know what she was thinking.

'Did Jamie force himself on you Katy?'

'No. It was consensual. Infact I instigated it,' I admitted, not looking at mom.