Deliverance (Fem x Stem)

26

Teyanne Sully

Lilliana left for Houston this morning, so I was stuck shoveling milk and cereal into my mouth alone. I shouldn't have hurt her arm yesterday, and I knew it was wrong, but my anger had overtaken me. It's just like...I'll go into an angry situation thinking about how I'll try to get my point across peacefully and I'll just be explaining myself when all of a sudden if that person angers or irritates me- I snap.

It's like a light switch.

Suddenly I'm hurting someone physically and I'm screaming at them and I feel this rage pouring out of me, waiting to be released. Then at some point it's like that switch flips again and I'm just suddenly calm afterwards. I don't know how to explain that to anyone. Not even to Lilliana. I just hope she doesn't hate me, it's not something I can control. I never want to hurt people or to just go off like that.

Damn, and when those cops said what they said.

Everyone always judges me- automatically thinking I act entitled because of my money. Honestly? That may have been the truth when I was deeper into Christiano life, but now I've grown up a lot.

But not grown up enough.

The memory of last night makes my heart painfully squeeze.

I sighed and tried to do some cleaning up before I hopped back into my usual job searching. I had fell asleep before I had seen Lilliana come out of the bathroom last night. I don't want her to be afraid of me. I just...I want her to quit wanting to argue about everything. We're gonna bump heads- we live with each other. We're only human, but I'm not going to agree with everything she says just because she's my girl. That's not how this relationship is going to go.

I've made a lot of mistakes but right now this feels like the biggest. I wanna call and apologize but I don't want to take her focus off of her grandmother. I move towards one of the boxes labeled "Wine & Other Drinks" that we hadn't unpacked yet. I open it up carefully, and take out a bottle of something with fancy writing. I don't look to see what it is, I sit it down, take out the cork opener and close the box up like it had never been opened.

I pop the bottle and bring it up to my lips, all of my troubles drifting away as the bitter and sweet liquid rushes harshly down my throat. I catch my bearings, then I take another swig as I adjust to the strength of the drink. The glass bottle clanks as I sit it back on the counter. I burp and look around at our mess of an apartment. We still have a lot to unpack.

Work, work, work.

There's always something for Tey to do.

Tey can neverrr relax. No, it's always everyone else that gets to. I smirk as I lift up the bottle again and keep drinking. I like the taste now. I need it. It's giving me everything that I want. Not even...not even Lilliana can give me this. My lips suction around the lip of the bottle as I keep drinking and drinking. The bottle almost misses the counter entirely as I sit it down. Some of the drink dribbles down my chin because of the absurd amount in my mouth. I slide to the ground and laugh at my clumsiness. I lean against the boxes for support but something falls down on my head.

Soberness seems to strike me in that moment as I'm knocked out cold, a sharp pain in my left temple.