Deliverance (Fem x Stem)

23

Lilliana Morst

After our little sexual moment, Teyanne and I took a shower together. Even though I had decided to let the discussion I wanted to have linger in the back of my mind for right now, I couldn't help but think about it as Teyanne washed my back.

I turned around and she gave me a small smile. "Teyanne, remember...I wanted to talk to you about something," I whispered. She was washing the front of herself and staring at me intently at the same time. "Yes?"

"Teyanne, you not finna be doing drugs and drinking and all this shit, all wildly, right? I understand momentary pleasure from time to time, but I don't want this to become a thing," I told her seriously. I hated to be the one to ruin the mood but it had to be said.

"I'm sorry. It's just something that I'm used to doing when I'm stressed out," she shrugged. She gave me a small peck on the cheek, "I'm not finna let that mess us up."

"If you ever need help or...feel like you're addicted," I started off.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she held up her hands. "I'll stop."

I nodded and tried to reassure my worrying mind. Hugging her gently, I sighed against her wet shoulder.

The next day was filled with searching for jobs again. And the next day after that. And the next day after that. I was growing restless with all of this, and McDonald's was starting to look like a good offer just about now, even if I just did it part time to give us some sort of income flow.

Tey and I ate some bacon and slices of bread for breakfast, trying to conserve our groceries. We discussed what our next plans should be, and if we should ever move further into Dallas once we get more financially stable.

In the back of my head I was like "damn, this is what being an adult is", but I didn't really have time to think or complain about my new life. I have to worry about the next thing and the next thing, and just hope to fit some personal time in. Some fun.

It had felt like forever since I relaxed and could...distract my mind with silly kid shit. It amazes me how grown folks still be involved in drama and be worried about Instagram likes when you got a billion different things to pay for and keep in check. Now more than ever, I realized that being grown was a whole different ball game than what it appeared to be when I was younger.

Teyanne was frowning at a business article when I cleared up our food. Living on a budget, we didn't have shit else to do but look for jobs and keep counting what we had left that was a necessity. Sometimes a small voice in my head wished that I hadn't fucked with Tey. Or that I was still around my family even if they were overprotective, nosy, and wild. Somebody woulda kept me okay and with some food and money. Right?

But I think that's just my desperation talking. I want what I can't have right now. But when we get out of this shit together then nobody will be able to stop us. I smirked to myself and Tey glanced up, her tired expression smoothing into a small smile. My heart melted a bit as I reminded myself that this is what I'm fighting for. Okay, I'm not necessarily fighting for Tey, because after all of this- you know what, I'm not gonna go there. But Tey is what I want. We're tryna do something here, and this is it. Why complain about what was, what about what is?

All that matters is what happening now and in the future.

"I wanna go somewhere today," I stated abruptly, drumming my fingers on the table as I looked at my girlfriend expectantly.

"I mean...I have a schedule meeting at the Work-

"We'll schedule around it. We're going to the museum today," I stood up and grabbed my girlfriend's phone. "C'mon. No more of this."

"Lilli, that's a bit far. What about the pool here?"

I sighed but thought over her suggestion. The pool at the complex was way cheaper than the museum anyways since we didn't have to pay to get in. "Fine. But you have to buy me some snacks."

"You got snack money?" Tey asked with a raised eyebrow, half joking. "No," I laughed, giving her the phone back and heading to the bedroom. "I'm getting ready. Surprise me with something beautiful or whatever. Make me feel special, Teyanne."

"I don't already?" she asked as she smiled from the doorway. I closed the door softly in her face, giving her a wink she couldn't see as I faced the white door.

My expression dropped and I sighed.

What are we gonna do?