Deliverance (Fem x Stem)

27

Lilliana Morst

I arrive at the hospital after about two hours being in Houston. I'm wearing my favorite Rugrats hoodie because for some reason I'd not want anyone to see where Tey peeled my skin at. It was still bleeding this morning, and actually looked worse than it did last night. I had put some medicine on it and hopped for the best, but now I regret not taking any with me for the road. I didn't want to have to stop at a pharmacy and buy more. I barely have any cash on me.

I was mentally preparing myself to see my family members at the hospital. I was mentally preparing myself to possibly learn that my grandmother might be seeing her last days soon. It was a lot.

I paid the driver through the app and got out. The next investment Tey and I would have to make is a car. Some part of me felt foolish to still be dealing with Tey. She really hurt me, she was often immature, and...just a whole bunch of other nonsense. She was like a decision I couldn't see through clearly. I didn't know if we would turn out good or bad.

I found out what room number my grandmother was in and started putting up my emotional barrier slowly and slowly as I approached where she resided in Memorial Hermann. My emotional defenses were up and I spritzed myself quickly with some light perfume. I stared at my reflection. I had my hair out again, I had on a chill outfit that basically centered around my Rugrats hoodie and I had stopped to get my nails done a dark green. I had needed to pamper myself after all the hell I had been through. I was still a girl at heart, and I had some material wants.

I knocked and prepared my defenses. No crack in them. I opened the door and I swear the entire family had been squeezed inside. I made my way towards my grandmother, not stopping for hugs or kisses. Everybody probably had plans to be fake or messy regardless. Why entertain them?

"Grandma, how you doin?" I asked softly.

"This is your fault," my grandmother coughed, holding her wrapped up chest.

Dang, no hello?

I stepped back, keeping my face blank even though she deserved to be cussed the fuck out. "She had a stroke when she found out you were gay," someone told me. I realized it was my cousin girlfriend, and didn't know how I felt about that. Damn, my own family members can't talk to me? They gotta use an outsider now?

"That ain't my fault," I looked her straight in the eyes and said that.

I could already see the rant ready to spill over her crusted lips, "Like hell. If your ass wasn't gay-

I swung at my grandmother, hitting her square in the gums. Her dentures flipped out and the entire room went into an uproar. "Ohhh! Lilli den got Grandma!" someone shouted, laughter in his voice. Someone pulled me back and I spat on the old woman. If she wanted to act ugly, I could show her ugly. Old wrinkled up hag. Homophobic whore.

I snatched myself out of someone's grip, already tired of people grabbing me, and left out the hospital room. I straightened my clothes, walking briskly out of the building.

A bitch old enough to talk shit is a bitch old enough to get smacked.

I finally called Teyanne as I ate on a Whataburger sandwich. I had decided to spoil myself again even though I was running low on money. It's like I couldn't stop. My mind was "want, want, want" today. Times like this, I wish that I had a sugar daddy or that Teyanne still had some money to her name.

"How'd things go?" she asked, sounding unsure if she should be talking to me right now. Trust me baby, I feel the exact same way.

I was still waiting for my apology, but I wouldn't tell her that. She needed to take her own initiative to do that. "I punched Grandma dead in her shit. She wanted to be all rude and stuff," I told her, taking another bite out of my food. "I- Oh," Teyanne laughed. "That...was unexpected." Why couldn't I do allat when Teyanne grabbed me? I asked myself, but shook that thought away. I could think about that later when I was back in Dallas and not on the phone with her.

"I'm sorry for what I did," Teyanne finally said.

"I was waiting," I scoffed.

"My temper be getting out of hand sometimes and I can't control...like how I might respond. You know I'd never hurt you, Lilliana."

"But I don't. I honestly don't know that much about you, Tey. You need to open up," I told her firmly. "I don't need anymore surprises like this. First the rigging or whatever you wanna call it. Now this putting hands on people. What's the next trick you got up yo ass?" I asked her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again quietly.

"I'm just asking you to be open with me so I can know what to do in these situations. You making me hate surprises now, Tey. You keep springing random shit up on me that a girl ain't prepared for," I told her.

"This is it," she said firmly.

I frowned. Wait a second.

"Tey, what time is it?" I asked in a perfectly calm voice. "Umm, it's-

"Are you drunk?" I bluntly asked.

"Drunk? Who's- Who's drunk?"

"Jesús, Tey!"

"I thought that was a name," Tey laughed.

Definitely drunk.

"Teyanne. First you were high, then," I was talking and all I could hear was her breathing and laughing into the phone, over and over. Fuck you, Tey! I thought bitterly. I hung up on her, frustration taking over me as I tried to hold in my tears. I finished my food and angrily stared out the window, trying to figure out what I should do with my sorry ass spouse.

Should I stay, or should I go now?