Deliverance (Fem x Stem)

28

Teyanne Sully

I rub my bleeding head as I stumble towards the rest of the drinks. Hand smeared with blood, I find a wine bottle and pop it open. I start drinking and drinking as I adjust to the taste and strength difference from my last drink.

I have the sudden urge to go somewhere.

But I can't see straight and I don't have a car.

I stumble towards the front door but I don't have enough control of my hands to unlock it. I fall into a heap on the floor, laughing at my own shortcoming. "Tey, what are we going to do?" I ask myself, moving my body as if I was making a snow angel.

I glance at the bottle on the corner, just waiting for me. I squeeze my eyes shut as a headache begins to make an appearance. I need to stay strong for Lilliana. I can't keep doing this. Somehow, I manage to get up and stumble to the fridge. I get an ice pack for my head and press it on there with the soft protection of a towel Lilliana had been forced to buy from a dollar store.

My phone buzzed and I realized that Lilliana had hung up on me. My mind had drifted elsewhere, I had forgotten I was supposed to be talking to her. It had taken everything in me to act sober, and yet Lilliana still had seen through my lie. Her message read that she was three hours away.

I looked at the trashed apartment and decided that I wouldn't let her know about any of this. I can't keep failing her. One day, she'll just up and leave me. With some sense of purpose, I start cleaning up the house and eventually move onto my head. I put medicine on the open gash and change my clothes. I spray the house with Lysol then light two candles to get the scent of the drinks out of the air.

After I enjoyed a nice bath, I popped me some pain pills and fell into a comfortable sleep, clutching my pillow like it was the last thing I'd ever feel.

"Teyanne Sully."

My head jolted up, and I winched. Damn, Lilliana really had sounded like my mother for a second.

"So were you drunk?" Lilliana asks me.

I rub my eyes, looking at my pissed off girlfriend in a cute Rugrats hoodie. "No," I answer, yawning.

"You know, I really would have believed you if I hadn't seen this," her green nailed hand is wrapped around a bottle smeared noticeably with my blood as she holds it up for me to see, like a trophy. "And that," she points at my bandaged head.

Defeated, I cave in.

"I have a bit of a problem," I admit.

"You have more than a problem, Teyanne. You handle your emotions horribly," Lilliana smashes the bottle down on the ground. "The fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled. "Do you care about that more than me?" she shouts back. Lilliana slams her foot down on a large hunk of glass. "Does this matter to you?" she asks me. Tears are rolling down her face and I see so much pain coming from her beautiful brown eyes. Almost draining the life out of them.

Blood is seeping from her foot and her little fists are shaking in anger. "I care about you. Of course I do, Lilliana," I say. "Then show it!" she hollers. "Show it, Teyanne, or I swear I'll leave you cause you got me looking like a damn fool all the time."

"I don't mean to, I just got some problems," I tried to explain. "Just cause you got problems don't mean all yo worries in life will be solved. That just means you gotta work even harder," she told me.

She takes the glass angrily out of her foot and hops out of the room. If I had any laughter in me, I would have laughed, but I feel so torn right now. I keep hurting Lilliana over and over again. Is this all a sign that we're not meant to be? I don't want to take her life from her. I don't want to ruin anything else.

If I'm best out of her life, that is where I will stay.

I looked down at the fucked up floor and start cleaning up. Obviously a declaration of love isn't what my girlfriend wants to hear right now. I'll just wait until she's back to normal. My head just keeps spinning back around to the one question I feel like I'll never have answered: What should we do?