Dear Augustus | I Never Let Go ✓

08 | Is It Too Late To Fix?

I don't know how much time has elapsed since I ran away from my grief. I decided to sleep it off instead. I can feel my skin burning up which Adrian had mentioned before I pushed him aside. And I do that to him quite often. It amazes me how he still stands by me through every storm in my life. Like right now, as I try wallowing in my pain, both emotional and physical, he plans to invade my alone time.

"Leave me alone, Adri," I demand curtly, with gritted teeth, and turn away to face the other side. I can hear his deep sigh as he spends two long seconds leaning against the door jamb of my bedroom, and then it's dead quiet, almost like he isn't there. I squeeze my eyes, praying for him to leave but soon realize it's a little too late for that.

"Not gonna happen, V," I hear his stubborn voice, then feel his presence as he stands at the edge of the bed and looks down at me with a determined face. He places an envelope with the symbol of Medlife pharmacy. "Stop behaving like a child and let me take care of you."

"I don't need anyone, Adri. Just need to rest a bit." He doesn't deserve my rudeness, especially when he ditched his after-match party to be here with me. He clicks his tongue as I push my face on the pillow and hide my face from him. Why does he has to be so caring? He's just so stubborn and so very adorable with that tousled brown hair, slightly disarrayed due to the helmet.

"Can I lie down beside you? I know you need me, and I want to be there for you like you're there for me always." He says, sitting down on the floor near my head, running his cold but soft fingertips on my hair. I'm sure with all the twisting and turning I did from the moment I sprawled on my bed, they must've turned into a pigeon's nest.

I peer up into his dreamy green eyes, which reflect all the stars in the constellation, as I nod my head with a defeated sigh. With my head pounding and my body burning with the possible fever, I feel so tired to dodge the comfort he's offering. So I let him scoop me up and lay me gently a foot away so that he can settle himself beside me. He doesn't pull me into his arms or shift closer to me. We stay on our sides, facing each other, looking into the depths of each other's starry eyes, his more than mine.

We have done this before, many times, for him more than me. That one time on Adrian's fourteenth birthday when his dad didn't show up at his birthday party, he climbed up my window that night for the first time. We stared at each other for a good ten seconds before he sprawled on the floor like a fish and stayed like that the whole night. I couldn't sleep in my fluffy warm bed knowing that he was lying on the cold tiles, curled up like a puppy, and somewhere in the middle of the night, I heard him crying in his sleep.

And in the morning, when he opened his eyes, he bellowed my name in surprise as he found me beside him, lying on my side, looking at him with so much empathy.

"What are you doing here on the floor, V?" He'd asked, turning to face me. His eyes were red with sleep and all the crying he did in his slumber. He blinked at me with disbelief and a hint of hope.

"I'm here for you, Adri. I know you're hurt, and I want to share that with you." I replied, curling my fist over my chest to refrain from touching his soft brown hairs that fell on his green, green eyes. I flashed my early morning smile, which he reciprocated instantly, and that was the first time he gave me fluttering butterflies in my stomach.

It wasn't the last time. The last time we stayed beside each other like this was the morning of the Junior Prom when he ditched me for getting stoned with his soccer teammates. I cried the entire night, sleeping in the dress I was supposed to wear. I didn't care if the ruffles of my lavender-colored prom dress would get destroyed. All I cared for was my heart which crumbled every ticking second of the night.

In the morning, when I woke up, I wasn't surprised to come face to face with Adrian lying on my bed beside me. His hair was messy as always, the green of his eyes had lost their tint due to the redness surrounding them, and he was wearing a black tux. The tux served as the ugly reminder of the heartbreaking night of the prom. Before he could coax me into believing any of his excuses for standing me up, I turned to the other side. And that was the last time we slept on the same bed, him facing my 'I'm so done handling your shit' back. Until now, as we do it once again, only this time it's me hurting, and he's the one there for me.