Dear Augustus | I Never Let Go ✓

18 | Not An Option

The morning after, I'm still dwelling in the thoughts of Adrian. I know he's ignoring me. Why wouldn't he? I kissed you in front of him, and the pained look in his eyes had confirmed how greatly it impaled his heart. We're not exclusive, but we both are aware of the unnamed feelings between us.

No texts from him only adds to my anxiety. I don't think he came back to his house last night. His window remained shut, lights out the whole night and even this morning. I check my phone for the millionth time. I have no missed calls or messages, and as my finger hovers over his name, I suck in a deep breath and hit it before waiting impatiently. My heart hammers against my chest, and my hands dig in my hair every time it goes to his voicemail.

By the end of an hour, I finally give in, brushing away the rebellious tears from my face and sending him a single voice note before joining my family at the breakfast table.

Please, Adri, don't ignore me like this. Let's talk. You promised -nothing can ruin what we already have. I can't lose you. I can't lose my best friend.

The way you have poured your heart out last night about your mother's death and you leaving the town has me locked in a state of trance. Then everything that followed after has me numb for anything, let alone the smell of freshly baked cookies. I give a weak smile to my Dad, who pats my head before grabbing his briefcase and heading out of the house.

"Hey, dad," I push out of my chair and rush after my Dad as he reaches his car.

"Yeah," Dad throws his briefcase inside the passenger seat and turns with lines around his eyes as I approach him, a little breathless. He accentuates my face as if he can look through the war inside me. "What happened?"

"Do you still have that position open in your office for the intern?" I ask, masking off the other emotions from him. He doesn't seem convinced but doesn't ponder either.

"You know, it will always be open for you." He regards me with a smile and then goes on to brush the unruly hair from my face. He gauges my face for a second, disapproval inked in his eyes, but he releases a sigh.

I give him a weak nod before he darts around me and moves inside his car. And just before he starts the ignition, he looks at me to say something that renders me breathless all over again.

"Hey, Violet," Dad says, sliding down the window. "Tell Adrian he can't just jump through your window at night. Last night should be the only exception. If he wants to meet my daughter at ungodly hours, he has to come in through the main door."

Adrian came to my room last night while I was sleeping but didn't wake me up.

As soon as Dad's car hit the road, I reach across the street to Adrian's house. I need to see him. His mom answers the door looking equally worried when I ask her about him. "He has not come home since yesterday." She says, her forehead showing the deep lines of concern. "Did something happen, Violet?"

"Nothing happened," I lie, forcing my lips upward in a convincing smile. "Adri's probably with his friends. I will check with them."

My heart sinks in dread once again as I walk back to my house.

How are we going to get through this?

How can he shut me off entirely?

And why can't I seem to do the same?

As the day ends, I send him another text filled with anxiety and something more than loss.

Me: Adri, can you please stop shutting me off.

***

I must've drifted off. The creak of the rising window bolts me out of my sleep, and I sit up, ready to scream as Adrian lands on the floor with a thud. In the darkroom, illuminated only by the moonlight seeping through the window, our eyes collide. My voice dies inside my throat as Adrian rises to his full height, blinking at me. His emerald eyes look at me with shock and reluctance, but his face suddenly morphs with a scowl.