OC Ratings | 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐬

Lionpelt

This OC belongs to Lionguardian2006

Name┃ Lionpelt

4/5. I absolutely love Lion- as a prefix, it's so rare in mollies. (Although, honestly that makes sense with her story.) However, -pelt is one of, if not the most, common suffixes. Of course, this doesn't make it bad, but the name could be a bit more dynamic. Perhaps if you want another traditionally masculine suffix -Jaw, -Hawk, or -Thorn would all work.

Anyways, just my opinion!

Gender┃ She-cat (can be mistaken as a male based upon her appearance)

Okay!

Rank┃ Warrior

Okay!

Age┃ 108 moons (9 years)

The equivalent of a good 53 years old.

Clan┃ ThunderClan

The clan of heroes and protagonists.

Appearance┃ Lionpelt has tawny-brown fur with a paler colour as secondary/under fur. She also has a lion like appearance and amber-brown eyes. Lionpelt is quite often mistaken as a male because of her appearance and fluffy brown neck and tuft or brown fur on her head.

12/15. She sounds lovely, and very few people remember that cats have a secondary colour... admittedly, I'm one them lol. Anyways, the fluffy brown neck (almost a mane) in cats is only really common in Maine Coons, which are purebred. However, since she doesn't know where she came from it's entirely feasible that this can work. 

Frankly, I've no idea rather the fur on her head is possible or not, but I'm leaning towards the negative. I couldn't find anything about it online- however I may not have the right keywords. If you're not going for 100% accurate, though, I think this is great!

Personality┃ Quiet, loyal, smart, stubborn, protective, defensive, tempered, orthodox, friendly, insecure, naïve, bitter and cynical (towards enemies), lonely, sweet, kind, moral, determined, courageous, curious, independent, fearless

25/25. A great mix of traits! I do love that she's both friendly and insecure, that's a combination I rarely see, and it makes for a nice and nuanced character. If you can write her correctly- and I have all the confidence in the world that you can- this is a great base personality.

Backstory┃ Lionpelt was less than a moon old and has no memory of her real parents. She was left alone in the Forest till she was rescued by Sandstorm and Firestar (before he was leader). Lionpelt also had no names till she was accepted into the Clan as Lionkit, the adopted daughter of Firestar and Sandstorm. As a kit, Lionkit used to play with her adoptive sisters, Leafkit (Leafpool) and Squirrelkit (Squirrelflight). 

Oh, this is interesting! This is the first OC I've had that is in the canon story. However, I do wonder how this fits into the timeline, since Fireheart/star had Leafkit and Squirrelkit after he was leader. If this is an AU, it works, though!

Lionkit then became an apprentice and was mentored by Graystripe, with the name Lionpaw. Lionpaw enjoyed being an apprentice, but she felt insecure and unsure about it. This was all because of her disability, Lionpaw had trouble understanding what was going on, but Graystripe helped her through it. When Firestar became leader, Lionpaw looked up to him and became more loyal towards the Clan. 

I don't believe you mentioned her disability! It's good that Graystripe mentored her well, though, and she seems a very family-oriented cat.

As much as learning to be a warrior, Lionpaw spent time alone with Graystripe as 'extra' training, to help her understand what she needed to know. When Lionpaw became a warrior, she earned the name Lionpelt because the other Clans quite often mistook her as a tom instead of knowing she was a she-cat.

I like the extra training! Although, I don't really understand how -pelt is correlated with toms. When I hear it, I think of Fernpelt, Dawnpelt, and Cinderpelt, who were all she-cats, although there were many toms that had that suffix... many, many cats had that suffix.

Family┃ Firestar (adoptive father), Sandstorm (adoptive mother), Leafpool (adoptive sister), Squirrelflight (adoptive sister)

Everything's in order.

Likes┃ ThunderClan

Okay! Maybe you should add something else on, just for an extra detail. For instance, maybe she loves watching the rain, or racing the other Warriors.

Dislikes┃ Being mistaken as a male

I get how that gets to her, espeicially if that happens that often. Although, you might want another here as well. For instance, maybe she hates to... eat squirrels, or something like that. Or maybe she hates brambles and thorns, because she's cut herself on them too many times.

All in all, I really like Lionpelt! Her personality is great, and although there are some parts that I didn't like as much, they certainly didn't override the parts I loved.

Thank you so much for your submission! <3