Milkshake Hearts

Chapter 131: Weird

"What was up with you yesterday?" Courtney asks, softly, as she curls herself around Shayne's side when they both wake up the next morning. Mocha gives a 'mmmrp' from where she's curled up near their feet, Shayne laughing softly in response as Courtney adds, "not you, Mocha. I'm talking to the human snuggle buddy."

"I didn't lie when you asked at the bar, part of it- I was just randomly a bit awkward and too sober. Got better later. And I could see you were having fun which was all I wanted because it's your day and I love watching you be happy and enjoy things," he answers, rolling slightly to the side towards her so he can meet her eyes.

"You're adorable. Just part of it, though?" she pushes, gently, hand wandering over his body until she can find his own and entwine them together.

"My brain got stuck on the demi stuff again. Because we were at a bar full of women in bikinis and every guy I saw was looking at all these women like that... But I just... nothing. Except you, and I just wanted to touch you constantly but I was holding it back as much as I could- I don't know, I can't even explain why, and it's not like I would be looking at other girls anyway, my head just got caught on feeling weird about it," he admits, sighing lightly, "I think I got worked up over something that wasn't even a thing."

"Aww, darling," she sympathises, gently lifting the hand she is holding up to place a soft kiss against the back of his hand. "Your brain just felt like making you feel weird, hey?"

"Yeah. And I didn't want to mess up your birthday and I'm sorry if I-"

"You didn't mess anything up, baby. And I liked the times you got touchy," she cuts him off, firmly, "You're allowed to feel weird sometimes. It happens. And if you want to talk about it, I'm here. If you just want cuddles, I can do that too..."

"I don't know why I keep just... when I first saw the post and it all clicked, it was relief, because I finally knew it was a thing. And it does make sense. And it means nothing to me anymore- but my brain still just keeps getting caught on it and telling me I should feel weird about it and I should think there's something wrong with me," Shayne mumbles, head tilting back on the pillow as he looks up to the ceiling.

"Mmm, brains do that, it's not fun... The important thing is you know there's nothing wrong with you, your brain just works differently about attraction, and that's okay. Even if you feel weird... it's still okay," she reassures, feeling him nod before he shifts to hide his face against her shoulder.

"I don't know whether I need to talk about it with more people to try and normalise it or just try and stop thinking about it at all," he muses, letting his eyes fall shut and his mind slow as Courtney's hands draw gentle patterns across his back.

"I think you do whatever you feel comfortable with, baby. Maybe do you want to try talking about it with Damien, to see if that helps? He'd be good about it, and he'll drop it whenever you want him to, as well," she suggests.

"Mm, I guess I could. I might catch up with him next weekend or something, it's been a while... and if I chicken out we can just hang out," he fleshes out the idea.

"Exactly," she agrees.

They fall into silence, then, gradually shifting as they both settle into the calm pace of being wrapped closely together as the morning rolls on.

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Shayne has a much earlier call time than Courtney on Monday - she isn't needed until a sketch shoot she's directing on at 11, but he's up on a 9am podcast recording. It's one of the rare times they travel to work separately, and he grumbles to himself when he finds his mind trying to betray his better judgment again. He quickly switches to one of the hardest punk Spotify playlists he has to drown out the noise in his mind, but a song and a half in, he gives a frustrated sigh and flicks back to his saved playlists menu. It's just driving his brain to move faster and ragged, and he glances off the road for a moment - he knows he shouldn't, but he is just rolling slowly in traffic on a packed freeway - across what other playlists he has.