Placebo || 3Racha ✔️

10

Another letter left on our porch. More flower petals stinking up my office. More vomit in the toilet as anxiety and disgust stirs in my stomach.

"Fuck!" I shout, my senses dimming when anger overcomes me. I shove the kitchen drawer shut, it making a loud noise because of the silverware inside. "Dammit."

Everything was going wrong. I couldn't do anything right. The world fucking hates me, and I hate it. My boss sent me home early because I wasn't getting work done. That forces my assistant to take over and has my colleagues know how weak I am.

How the fuck am I supposed to work when someone is watching me? And I can't tell anyone. It's killing me. Fucking hell. I need this to be over. I need my life normal again.

"Whoa, whoa, what's the matter, baby?" Jisung walks in, his eyebrows scrunched together with worry. He tries coming forward to touch me, but I back away.

"Nothing," I growl, grabbing my keys off of the hook. "I'm going to the gym."

My heart is beating quickly, it pumping with adrenaline. I need to workout. I need to de-stress. Everything is collapsing. I can't take it. There was a letter on my desk at work. At work. Was it hand delivered? Did my assistant also see what he looked like? Was he too cowardly to come in himself?

"Bin, talk to me. What's the matter?"

"Nothing, Jisung! I told you. Now back off!" I snap at him, not realizing how much I hurt him. I was too blinded by everything else.

"I-I'm sorry, I was only trying to help."

"I don't need your help." Yes, I do. I need help. And Chan was definitely going to beat my ass later on for yelling at him.

I slam the door on my way out. When I feel the small vibrations from the impact, everything falls. The red wall dissipates. I take in a breath.

I open the door again, sniffling my emotions away. Jisung is standing in the same place I left him in, hurt and confused by what just happened.

"I'm sorry." I stand in front of him. I don't deserve to touch him. I'm so stupid. Why am I so stupid? "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry."

"What's going on with you, Bin?" He whispers, embracing me despite me being so mean. So fucking mean to the kindest human on Earth.

"I'm so sorry."

I couldn't say it enough. Why did I lash out like that? I broke the fucking drawer and he did nothing wrong. What's wrong with me?

"Have you eaten today?"

I nod my head. I had just washed out my dish. It was sitting in the dish rack drying. The food in my stomach wasn't going down well, though. Nausea was hitting me like a truck.

"I'm going to go lay down."

I step around him before he can say anything. Sleep was a necessity. I haven't been sleeping well at all. I'm just tired. I don't want to lash out again. I don't need to have them question me every time I get angry. It's stressful enough hiding this. I need to be more put together and less uneasy.

They're going to think something's wrong. It's just work. It's just work. That's all I have to say. Work. My boss. Loads of emails. Letting everyone down. Work.

It's just work.

______

•❤️•