Placebo || 3Racha ✔️

19

The headache is still there throbbing at my temples. When I open my eyes, it's dark. Night must've fallen.

The other side of the bed is cold. Why would they want to sleep in the same bed as me? I wouldn't either.

I take in a deep breath, letting my chest expand. It hurt so bad. Not my body, but my heart. How could I let this get so far? I've never lied to them before. I shouldn't have to. Would they really be as mad as I think? Would their reaction correlate to what I pictured?

I sit up. My face felt sore and puffy. My mind was a roller coaster of thoughts. Where were they now? Out in the living room? In the guest room?

Could they be discussing what was wrong with me? Or at least what could be wrong? They'd guess work. They'd guess a family secret. They'd guess a mental health issue.

They'd guess wrong.

It's not so easy to come out saying, "I'm being threatened by someone I don't know, but their messages aren't threatening. They're actually very sweet, but it seems threatening." That doesn't make sense. They would call me a liar. They would call me a cheater. They would break up with me. Kick me to the streets.

I couldn't handle that.

Should I find them and apologize? If I do, they'll ask questions. What would I say? Lie even more? I don't think I could take it. If I say there's a lot stressing me out, they'd ask what. If I blame it on family, they'd probably ask more.

I can't just say I didn't know, and I can't just lie. Not anymore. I couldn't add more to it.

What would they do if I did say I didn't know? Would they sign me up to see a professional? Would they think I was lying? Would they think I was hiding something? I am. But they can't know. They can't know.

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

I look over, seeing Jisung scoot in past the doorway. Holding my tongue, I tear my eyes away. What do I say? What do I do? Do I apologize? Of course, but how?

"Please, bunny," Jisung begs, coming over and sitting on the bed next to me. "Talk to me." He reaches over, grasping my chin. His thumb smooths over my cheek. "We're so worried about you. You've never been like this before. Did we do something wrong?"

"No," I whisper, blinking the tears away. Stop crying so much. "You guys haven't done anything wrong."

"Then what is it, baby?"

I bite my lip, swallowing. Please, I can't do this. What do I say? What do I do? What do I say? What do I do? How can I protect them without hurting them? How am I supposed to live like this?

"I don't know."

"Changbin, come on." He matches my volume, but with a frustrated sigh. "Do not sit there and lie to me. There is something going on. We can help you. We can go through this with you. You are not alone, I promise."

"I don't know what to do, Jisung," I cry out, forcing my head away from his hand. "I am the enemy right now. I am the liar. I am the one in the wrong, and I don't know how to explain it."

"What do you mean you're the enemy?"

"I've..." Blame it on yourself. It's the only way out. After all, this is on you. "I've hurt you both so much, and I can't live with myself because of it. I've done so many things wrong. How do I fix it? How do I get through this? I am alone. I'm alone because I force myself to be alone."

"What do you think you have done wrong to us? Besides the argument last night, what have you done? Nothing. You've done nothing wrong. You've been perfect."

"I haven't been. You're just saying that. I've been the shittiest boyfriend ever. I've never been a good boyfriend. Even when it was just Chan and I. I was always the one causing issues. I was always the one having to apologize. It's all of my fault."

"What are you talking about? You've always been the best boyfriend. Every relationship has its issues, and you definitely haven't been the root to them. It's a natural thing. Everyone makes mistakes. Why are you thinking like this? Did something else happen?"

I shake my head. Why did my excuse sound so real to me? Was that an actual underlying reason? Or did I make it up because of how guilty I'm feeling about this situation?

"Look at me."

I close my eyes, pulling my knees to my chest and burying my face in them. I wanted to cry all over again. I wanted to destress myself, but it seemed I was only making it worse.

His hand then runs through my hair. At least, I think it's his until someone speaks up.

"Handsome, we both made mistakes when it was just us. We still make mistakes while with Jisung. You are not alone in this."

I stay silent. I didn't know where to go from here. What do I say? If I kept being negative, we'd go in circles. If I looked at them, I'd burst into tears. If I stayed here, they'd leave.

"Don't leave me, please," I beg, desperation lining my voice.

"We won't."

"Never."

Two pairs of arms wrap around me.