Chicago RX

15. Its a girl

It was a long night and the last thing on my mind was starting the day. I had a hunger that wouldn't stop. Always running through my mind. Food. What I wanted how I wanted it. Mornings were the worst. I was still working and now that I was staying with hank I didnt do all the shopping so I had to get by with what everyone else wanted. I remember complaining about milk and cheese the other day thinking that no one bothered to listen and when I saw that hank had remembered it put a smile on my face.

I sat to eat my cereal when he finally walked down for coffee.

You headed to work? I asked taking another spoonful of cherioes.

Yep, can I bring something home later?

No I'm good. Oh thank you for the cheese. Oh and the milk. He gave her a sympathetic nodd just before taking a sip of his coffee. Hey did Justin say when he be home next?

No I think it will be in June. Thats when his tour ends. Everything is going to work out he reassured.

I know its just that Olive. I know she doesn't want me here.

Well, its not her choice. How about I bring home Chinese cuisine tonight?

That actually sounds good but really everything sounds good. I'm eating right now and it feels like I can't get enough its crazy.

I remember when my wife was pregnant. She craved all sorts of weird things. I remember she had me drive all the way past park city one night for grilled sardines. She had a craving for fish and then I had to go in search for her favorite ice cream to go with it. There was this little old Dutch ice cream shop that had been there since we had gotten together. She couldn't have store bought it had to be from that shop. She loved the banana chocolate chip with marshmallow toping. Anyway....whatever your cravings are we will figure it out.

Hank thanks again for letting me stay and helping me through this. I dont want to be a problem. If you change your mind I will understand.

No way your staying here. Things are perfect. Don't worry about things.

Later that week was a big one I was to know more about the sex. I just knew it was going to be a boy.

Hank my ultrasound is tomorrow. Will you be taking me?

Of course. He said. I wouldnt miss it.

I finished my work at med and there he was waiting outside to take me to my appointment.

We sat in the office waiting for the doctor. Hank had this look like he was anxious. Of course it could just be me. I was the one anxious.

Its a girl? She said with slight disapointment. I suddenly just felt this empty void. How could I have been so wrong.

Well whats the matter with that? Hank asked surprised.

I don't know I just thought that it was a boy ya know. That it be just like his dad.

He grinned. You know Justin when he was born he was a twin. His sister didn't make it. She was still born.

I'm sorry. That must have been difficult. Here I am complaining about the sex when I should just hope for a healthy child.

It was hard at first. It got easier but I always wanted to know what it would be like to have a girl so thank you for having this baby.

So I'm not alone? Your happy about the girl?

Yeah, he said smiling shaking his head.

Ok then I'll be happy to. She hugged him.

Alright let's go feed the princess then he snarked kissing my forehead. So what will it be today.

After the ultrasound and knowing what the sex was things just felt more real. Realizing the responsibility that came with motherhood suddenly started to feel familiar in a way. Along with my cravings I had an urge for sex the doctor just said it was hormones and it pass but it never did.

Late one night we stayed up to watch an old movie. The lights were out and I kept sneaking to peak over at Hank as he watched the TV. My hormones were going crazy. I just wanted to move closer maybe snuggle up but I chickened out like a looser. Before the movie had finished we had already fallen asleep.

He woke up with me in his arms. He was rubbing my leg and then his hand wandered upwards. Catching himself he pulled away. Sorry about that he sat upright on the edge of his bed probably replaying over his actions in his mind.

Hank its OK to touch me.

No its not. You should probably sleep in your own bed from now on. This shouldn't have happened anyway. It my fault. He got up.

Your never gonna touch me again are you?

Its why I don't touch you. You don't know how hard it is for me.

She looked down as he hurried to cover up what he considered to be a problem. Please Shay don't make things harder for me.

She inhaled frustrated and gave him a look of confusion before she stomped off.

Hank

One night it was late when I got off work.  When I got home all the damn lights were still on but no body was awake. 

I made my way through the house turning one light off then the next until I came upon Shay asleep on the sofa.  TV was as loud as it could go and I wondered how anyone could actually sleep through that kind of noise.  Finally it was quiet and I head to the kitchen to grab a beer.  Then took a few sips as I looked down at how beautiful she looked as she slept.

I couldnt help but smile at the feeling that she was mine.  She turned in her sleep and I sat down to study her.  She breathed a heavy sigh as her hand ran over her belly.  Then she made a moaning sound as she settled against the crook of the sofa.

She was already so big but she couldn't have been more than 38 weeks.  I tried to remember when mine were born but it had been so long ago.  I was greatful at getting a second chance at raising kids again.  Now that my family had just gotten bigger.

I finished my beer then threw a blanket over her before turning in.