HEADPHONES ‧ k.tsukishima

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤;

Tsukishima was sleeping under the tree. The same tree that he and Atsuko had lied underneath months ago in peaceful harmony. The air was sticky and voluminous, draping its warm arms around the tired boy. He yawned. Tsukishima sat up slowly and, impulsively, looked to his side to arouse Atsuko.

There was only daisy speckled grass where Atsuko would have been. He sighed. Right. Atsuko didn't remember him. He dusted down his school uniform and stood up, trying to manage his quickening breathing. His chest ached, that dull hollow feeling again that seeped into every corner of his body so that he felt as if he were lugging around a sack of bones and flesh.

The damp grass felt strange against his bare feet as he walked to the main school. It was a welcome feeling however, it reminded him that he was alive. He sometimes forgot. That he was alive, that is. He'd zone out in class until Eri gave him a light tap on the shoulder and he would be brought back to reality. Miserable reality.

Tsukishima paused outside the sliding door to the sports hall. The blue paint was slowly chipping and he ran his thumb over the peeling edges. He could hear shouts from inside, his teammates. The familiar smell of fresh paint mingled with sweat and determination beckoned him. But he couldn't. He had resigned long ago.

Instead, he continued forward. Down the path, pebbles warm and sharp against his feet but he did not care if his feet bled. It was his heart that hurt the most.

ONE WEEK TILL GRADUATION

Tsukishima stepped off his bike and wheeled it over to rest beside the 24 hour convenience store. The street lights flickered, bathing him in yellow light. He pulled up his mask and shuffled into the store, wandering into the bakery aisle. And there it was. Strawberry shortcake.

He remembered meeting Atsuko here. The flickering lights illuminating her pale face, sprinkled with freckles. She had let out a soft grin when he had suggested that, in return for him getting the only remaining strawberry shortcake, she could ask him to do anything she wanted. But Atsuko hadn't used that favour yet. Atsuko had grinned at him whenever he brought it up and winked. Like it was her little secret. She kept him on his toes. But Tsukishima liked that. No, he loved that. He loved the way she would lean up to kiss him and turn red when he teased her about her height. He loved the way the corners of her eyes would crinkle with happiness when he made her a new a playlist. He loved the way her voice sounded when she sang in the shower at 6am and woke everyone up. Tsukishima loved everything about Atsuko.

Right person, wrong time?

No. Tsukishima believed they were star crossed. Soulmates. Written in the stars. On cold nights after they had fought and made up he would wrap his arms around Atsuko and whisper how beautiful she was. How he was sorry. And she would laugh into his neck and that was how they knew it would be ok. Her laugh was a silent affirmation. That they loved each other. That they were both in the wrong but it was ok because love overcomes all.

Right?

Tsukishima sat on the dew sprinkled grass, fiddling with the strawberry shortcake. Headphones on, Claire de Lune drifting softly through the air. The cold chilled his bones but his mind was numb. He was only 17. Young. So young. He shouldn't... shouldn't care this much about a relationship. Not at this age. That's what his parents told him when he came home again with tears streaking down his cheeks and bloody knuckles. But he did.

He cared too much.

Atsuko plaited and unplaited her hair. Again and again. Over and over. Her fingers started to go numb. All the whilst she could only think of the boy. The one with the golden hair. And glasses. Black glasses. Tall, scrawny. Strong frame. A ghost of a smirk on his lips. Atsuko felt like he used to smile a lot. His eyes gave that impression. They were framed in black now and heavily lidded. The eyes of an insomniac. His shirt was tousled. Was it blue? No, white. And the rose he had held. Crimson. Like the blood that flowed through her. Atsuko felt like the boy was once the blood that flowed through her. That she and him were one. A team. Were they lovers? Soulmates?

She caught sight of her reflection. Gaunt eyes flaunted in black against sunken cheeks. A sickly flush silhouetted against her pallid, toneless skin. Atsuko smiled. Her reflection gave her a half hearted grin that cast her face in shadow. Her eyes were... void of emotion.

"You're 18 so technically you could live alone. However, until you're financially stable and the court case is up and running it's best for you to stay with someone. Any ideas?" The kind doctor, who Atsuko found out was called Miranda, was currently plumping her pillows.

Atsuko bit her fingernails nervously, 'I dont... I don't have any friends...', she scrunched up her face, 'I can't... I can't remember. Just Eri.'

Dr Miranda sat down in the chair opposite and gave her an encouraging smile, 'I'm sure you have lots of friends! Could you try really hard for me and try to remember, Atsuko?'

Atsuko shook her head, 'Please I can't. I can't I can't I can't why can't I. I don't understand why-' her voice cracked, 'I just can't. I don't... I don't understand. There was a boy. A boy a boy a boy.'

Her volume increased as Dr Miranda stroked her hand soothingly, 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND THERE WAS A BOY MIRANDA AND I LOVED HIM AND I DON'T- I CAN'T PLEASE I JUST PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I DON'T UNDERSTAND I CAN'T PLEASE PLEASE. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME. I DON'T UNDERSTAND PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.'

Atsuko's body convulsed with sobs and she curled into a ball, covering her head with her hands.

Dr Miranda reached out to hold her hand but Atsuko flinched. She sighed, 'Atsuko, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm going to help you dear. I need you to trust me.'

Atsuko peeked out of her safety ball, 'Trust hasn't gotten me anywhere. Just please... please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE. I CAN'T- PLEASE LEAVE.'

Silence hit the room like a falling brick. Dr Miranda smiled patiently.

'Have a little rest while I'm gone, sweetheart. I think we'll have to keep you in for another week or so.'

Atsuko's eyes widened and she grabbed onto Dr Miranda's arm, 'No please I need to go graduation. I need... I need to see him again.'

'Atsuko I...' Dr Miranda sighed, 'the drugs and medication have you in a bad mental state right now. It would be foolish to send you.'

'Miranda please. I'll.. I'll be good. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've caused you so much trouble.' Atsuko sobbed and clutched Dr Miranda's arm harder.

Dr Miranda slowly stroked her hair, 'It's ok Atsuko. I'll try my best. This... this isn't right. But I know you won't relent until you see him. I'll.. I'll get it organised.'

Another muffled sob from Atsuko. She buried her arm into Dr Miranda's sleeve and cried, cried until her heart ached, cried until she could cry no more.