Bucky x Suicidal!Reader

• 2 •

Y/f/e - your favorite energy drink

(Y/n)

An alarm blared, slurring with poor sleep I yell for JARVIS to turn off the alarm. Minutes later I hear a knock at the door.

"Hey sleepy head." Sam said through the door.

"Fuck off!" I tiredly yell.

Letting himself in, Sam sighed. "I guess I'm gonna have to drink this energy drink alone with an extra one thats y/f/e." The sound of a can cracking open. I whip my head from under the covers and he chuckles.

"Give me!" I reach my hands out. "Please!"

He shakes his head at me. "Get out of bed first." I let out a groan.

Stepping out of my blankets I reach out again. "Give." He smiles and hands it to me. I quickly crack it open and took a big gulp. "Now why the hell was there an alarm."

"We are going on a mission shortly, I asked Tony to set an alarm for you so I could tell you so you wouldn't freak out kiddo." He chuckled a little.

I turn to look at him. "Who is all going?"

He frowned a bit. "Well you are staying here, cause of..." He trailed.

"And the dick? Is he going?"

"No.." He looked frantically away.

Frowning deeply, I look down. "If he isn't alive when you guys come back its not my fault." I sigh. "I guess its better than him going with you guys so he wont kill this family too."

"Y/n..." He mutters as I start to walk out of my room.

"Go on your mission I'll be fine." I yell out walking to the elevator and ask to be brought to the training room.

After a while of training, hours even they still weren't back. My hands bleeding from punching, ignoring the stinging pain I keep at it.

Suddenly a knock is heard, I turn and smile slightly then it fading seeing the blue eyes. When i first saw him they were dull, now they are lively. "The dick." I turn back.

"Hey can I talk to you?" He says almost softly, a pain went through my heart as I keep turned away eyes closed shut as to not cry. "What was your dream about?"

"Hydra." I mutter shakily, still turned away with a tear rolling down.

He sighs. "Thats what steve told me. I don't believe either of you." I turn to him.

"Why? It was fucking Hydra." I gulp.

"Then why were you screaming 'I didn't do it please'?" He tilted his head. "That doesn't sound like Hydra to me."

Jaw tightening as I look at him. "It was Hydra you dick." I screamed.

He huffed running his tounge through his teeth with his mouth closed. "What the fuck do you have against me? I go and talk to you for the first time its hate through your eyes. I wake up to you screaming and i get hate and distrust. I get told to go back to my room by my bestfriend."

He took a second to breathe. "I go to you asking what your dream was about to help you knowing it was bullshit that it was Hydra and I get lied to and yelled at. What the fuck do you have against me huh!?"

Tears threatening to spill out and turning around."Dont act like you dont know!" I scream out.

"What the fuck don't I know!?" He screamed back.

"You really dont know?" A tear spill out on my cheek. "You killed my family!" I blurted out while turning around with tears streaming down.

His face goes ghost.

"They were happy! I was happy knowing my brother was alive!" I said sobbing out. "You killed him!"

The door clicks and steve runs in grabbing Barnes arm whispering something in his ear as he stands there. He gulps and nods his head, he leaves.

"Y/n.." Steve looked at my bloody fists. "Lets get you cleaned up, we still have to take you out to eat."

I looked out the window, its already night?

"Come on." Steve lightly grabs my shoulder. I nodd and we go to Bruce's lab.

Sitting on the edge of the bed as Steve puts antibiotics on my knuckles he looks up at me. "You need me to tend to other places?" He motions to my arms.

"There isn't any reason to tend to my arms Steve." His lips go thin as he bandages my knuckles.

We head to the garage and into Steve's car. "Where do you want to eat at?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Fujiami?" He asked.

"What that?" I looked at him.

"It's a Japanese steak house." He responds. "Doesn't have only sushi so if you dont like that you can have chicken, steak."

I look at him puzzled. "Sure?"

"You want to eat inside or take out?" He asks.

"Take out?" I look away. He chuckles as he parks infront.

"We have to order inside, you okay with that?" I nodd and we both get out. We order and receive our food and go back to the tower.

Sitting the empty kitchen. "Are they all tired or something?"

As soon as I say that Nat steps in and hugs me from behind. "Hi girly how are you?" She says picking up a piece of my chicken and biting it.

"Im fine just a bit shaky." I respond. I barely touched my food.

She looked at me. "Party tomorrow, you are going." I start to shake my head no. "Nu uh you are going."

"Can't i grieve?" I frown.

"You got a month girl." She said. "Its the acceptance stage now okay? And your brother would want you to get your groove on."

"Fine." I huffed poking at the chicken.

She eats the rest of the one she stole. "Eat its good." She walks out of the kitchen and Steve laughs.

"What's so funny big guy?"

"Nothing." He says while laughing.

We chat for awhile, it was mostly him talking. Then when were done, or full in my case, we parted ways.

I walk to my room as I approach my door I look across to barnes closed door then go inside to sleep in my bed.

An item on my bed catching my eye before i climb in. My face went white, it was one of my knives and a note attached "Why do you have it locked up? -Bucky" I look at my knife in my shaky hands.

I shake my head, tomorrow is a party I can't make fresh ones. Locking it back into the drawer I couldn't sleep at night thinking of how he got into my drawer.

A/N
Sorry its been 2 days late, I was a bit busy but I will try to upload every Friday. Be safe!