Bucky x Suicidal!Reader

• 7 •

Y/n

Sitting on the bathroom counter look at Barnes tend to my knuckles. "So, how was it?" I hum in a 'how was what?' way as a response. "Letting your emotions out?" He looks up at me.

Looking away. "I didn't."

He sighs. "Its okay to do that." Shaking my head. He looks down. "I think i have a good idea what happened with your past. And I'm sorry." My heart twinging in guilt and sadness. "I wish I was in control, I uh.." I hear him sniffle a little. "I wasn't myself. If I was i wouldn't have done that. You know that right?" He looks up at me with tears in his eyes. I nodd, not knowing how to respond. He looks down, wrapping my knuckles up.

Getting off the counter, rolling down my sleeves. "Thank you." I manage out. "You hungry?" I look at him. Still teary eyed he nods. "Come on, I know a place. We can order online." He looks up a bit surprised but nods and follows me to the floors kitchen.

Ordering Fujiami online waiting for it to come. Using Steve's card information that he sent to me.

"How do you know this place?" Barnes breaks the silence.

I sigh. "Steve showed me a couple nights ago. I haven't finished my last meal but it was good."

He nods. "Steve knows best." He chuckles.

About 10-20 minutes later the alarm goes off notifying that someones at the door. "I'll get it, stay here." Grabbing the food and going back upstairs. "I have the food."

Seeing him sigh, almost like it was a relief. "The real test if its good." He chuckles, taking his box from my hands and setting it on the table.

Handing him his coke. "Oh it is." Setting down my food and sitting across from him.

Opening his food and taking a bite. His eyes lighting up. "Holy shit you weren't lying."

I giggle at his response. He looks at me a bit. "What big guy?" Opening my box.

"Nothing." He shakes his head a bit as he turns his attention to his food again.

Turning my attention to my food, enjoying every bite i take. Eating til I'm full. Which doesn't take much. Looking at him, taking his appearance in. His long hair, sharp jaw. His striking eyes clashing with his brown hair. Then my eyes trail to his arm, which was covered up with a jacket but his metal hand visable.

Staring at it for awhile. A hand waves infront of my face. "Hello?" He says. I nod, a bit startled. "Where do i put my left overs?" Pointing at the fridge he grabs my remaining food along with his and puts it in the fridge.

"How'd you get your scar?" Looking at him confusedly. "The one on your eye?" He scrunchs his eyebrows. Feeling my right eye. "The other one."

Touching my left eye, feeling the uneven skin. "I don't remember it being there before."

He tilts his head slightly. "You've always had it."

My eyebrows scrunched up, rushing to my bathroom. Which wasn't far, Barnes following quickly behind. Looking at myself in the mirror. Seeing the long ugly scar on my left eye. How? How did I not notice it there? Where did it come from? I thought I remembered everything?

Flashbacks start happening, getting weak in the knees feeling arms hold me up as i keep staring. Remembering what happened, feeling like it was yesterday. Feeling the pain of them slicing it but not deep enough to damage my eye badly. "No no no..." i start. "No dont touch me, no no no."

Arms wrapping around as i remember, a million thoughts in my mind. "Its okay." Feeling a hand carress my hair. "Its okay, you're okay." Snapping back into reality looking frantically. As if I were looking for the scientists. "I get those too." He reassures.

I look at him puzzled. "You met them?" He nods, I try to push him away. "Don't touch me."

"I wasn't one of them, I was their subject too." He explains, relaxing a bit back into his arms.

"Is that what happened to your arm?" He nods again. We stay there for awhile until i hear my door click. We push each other away quickly.

Seeing Steve emerge, his gaze softening as he finds me. "Hey, I was looking for you." He says with a tired smile and hugs me. His eyes landing on Barnes. "Hey Buck." He looks at me concerned then hugs him. "I missed you guys."

Barnes nods. "I thought you were gonna be away for longer."

"We got done early." Steve smiles at his success. "Why are you guys up so late? It's nearly 9 pm."

I chuckle a bit. "Thats early Capsicle. Back in the day I was up way later." Barnes gives me a confused side look. "Right, men now days. In the 40s I snuck out much later than 9 pm."

Steve chuckles. "Thats right, forgot to tell you we met in the 40s. Me and Buck. He saved my butt."

I look at him then at Barnes. "Holy shit you guys are old. Technically I'm still 19, and you guys are how old like 20 to 30?"

Barnes looks taken aback. "You were in the 40s? When did you enlist? Women couldn't enlist."

"Barnes, I ran away at age 17 and two yearsish I was captured by Hydra." I say in a 'matter of fact tone'. "Plus it's easy to pose as a teenage boy whose balls hasn't dropped." Steve and Barnes look at me with concern. "Today has been a long day can I be left alone?" They both nod and leave. Walking out of my bathroom, locking my door after they close it. I climb into bed grabbing my notebook and pen. One thing good that happened this month.

'New favorite restaurant: Fujiami'

I write down. Feeling satisfied that I finally have something for my therapist. I write a couple paragraphs about it, describing the restaurant inside and the food there. Along with the taste, dozing off eventually.

Bucky

Looking at Steve in the living room. "You didn't tell me she was in the 40s." Steve looked at me. "Did you meet her after i disappeared?"

He nods. "Yea, you fell and then new recruit came in. At the time i didn't think anything of her." He turned to me. "I had no idea that she was.. well female. Or she ran away. Until one night i saw her taking off a chest compressor."

I nod. "Was she broken? Lost?" He nods.

"She looked panicked, scared. Like she was hiding from something or someone. I didnt see it at first but it all clicked that night." He explained, I nod. "Why?"

"Just curious." I answer.

Steve sighs. "Your arm doing okay?" He motions to my metal arm. I nod. "Let me see it." Sighing, taking my jacket off. Revealing scratch marks from the night before trying to tear it off. "Buck.."

"Its not bad Steve." I say.

He looks at me with care in his eyes. "What am I gonna do with you two?" He shakes his head tiredly.

"I'll take care of it. You need sleep Steve." I insist.

He nods and gets off the wall. "Call me if you need help okay?"

I nod as we part ways into our own rooms, grabbing the medkit on my way. Looking at her door, her laugh echoing through my ears. Making me smile a bit on how she's warming upto me. Turning back to my door and going inside. Entering my bathroom, setting the medkit down on the counter. I take my shirt off and look at my dry blood stained arm. Grabbing a towel, running it in warm water from the sink. I hiss at the slight pain from wiping the dry blood on my arm. When it's clean from blood I grab the antibiotics and spead it on it. Stinging my wound and then wrapping it.

Exiting the bathroom and laying down in my bed, pulling my covers over me. Drifting off to sleep about the events of today.